Pastor, business manager, and shepherd,

Teacher, spiritual leader, minister, divine,

Administer, evangelize, placate, mediate,

Counsel, direct, budget, outreach, preach,

Guide and, if necessary, occasionally chide us,

But, For Heaven’s sake, don’t over reach!

Take the good news into a fallen world

While feeding a tetchy, cantankerous flock.

Wed, christen, confirm, bury, dole out alms,

Always stay on call to support with aplomb.

Spur the slackers, console questioning saints,

Balance the budget, spearhead fund drives

While recruiting youngsters (those under 55).

Suburban church is in the market for a pastor,

So aspiring retirees and seminarians beware,

We chew them up and spit them out every few years.