Once upon a time

I curled my hair

Curling iron in hand

Curlers pressing against my head

Anything to make the straight go away

Soon I embraced my straightness

I allowed it to be flat and lifeless

I let it grow long

Past the point where it got stuck in car doors

Past the point where I would sit on it and pull my head

I cut it to shoulder length

Then to above my ears

I pinned it, put it in pony tails

Pig tails, braids

Short, long and everything in-between

Until one day

15 days from my first chemo

I found it in clumps

It was shaved that day, then shaved again

I saw my head

I saw the bumps and the scars

I found out I am more than my hair

More than some preconception

Of how a woman should look

I was more than balding

I was more than receding

I was bald

Now as it grows back

Uncontrollable

I still see how I looked before

A warrior without hair

I will never see those strands the same way again

I will brush and style and love my curls

No longer afraid

Of nothing there

My life a before and after shot

Before the cancer and survivor

From flat to bald to curls