i would have loved to grown up a better person. this is not

a personal offense. merely an observation of the fact that

 

girlhood never seemed to suit me well. i was always too

loud too out there too much too needy too much want

 

i have been hard to handle and harder still to keep. i

do not believe this was my fault. girlhood struck me

 

right beneath the jaw. taught me to wear pretty dresses

and think pretty thoughts. i spent my formative years

 

consuming numerous vampire novels – i cannot help

myself; i have always been a lover of the flesh

 

and a sucker for all things rancid. girlhood says

this is symbolic: girlhood says it is no wonder

 

a girl as self-absorbed as i am would love

tales of violence and horror, of taking

 

all you believe to be yours. we become that which we consume;

and i, by god, consumed a lot of it.

 

pretty girls do not spend their teenage years

squirming in the basement, but i did it anyway.

 

girlhood tries to keep me skinny and well-mannered:

i tell girlhood to go suck it

 

one day, a sexy vampire lady will take me to her

castle, and i will get what is mine.