Dead from the inside 
I am numb.
A complete shut down
unresponsive to the external.
Immovable, life wasting away.
Tired eyes and hungry heart 
all dead in a row.
No thirst to quench
no dreams to conquer
powerless in one way
powerful in another
- nothing affects me.

Nothing to lose,
no fear, no feelings, 
no attachment, no sorrow, 
Just the bottomless pit 
of nothingness -encroaching.

Overtaking... overcoming...
infectious and familiar

It feels comfortable, 
I am doomed anyway, 
Damned if I do,
Damned if I don't.

Hopelessness looms 
like a shadow. 
Wasted life, 
Wasted years,
The Pointlessness of the point,
at the edge of reason 
and lingering disappointment.

Far from any harm,
removed and isolated
detached and unemotional, 
I let that shit go. 

Only to dive deep
Head first into the chaos of living.
The madness of emotions.
The passage through life.


I am waking up,
Undoing these chains 
that have held me down 
for far too long.
I am becoming human.
I am living. 


I open the doors 
and let it surge.

-Janice Raquela Mendonca