Kukri

Once again, another weird eastern blade thing

yeah but at least this one is useful for more than

bad guys who may try to steal her away from me

though it could totally be used for that also

In RECOIL OFFGRID magazine

I learned that I could use one

to cut trees and limbs

if this isn’t peak efficiency, I don’t know what is

Some Gurkha used one recently

to cut the head off of a bad guy

in like Afghanistan

and she thinks that’s horrible and savage, but I remind her about 911, which was truly savage

Here we are on our third date, roughing it

I was hoping we would hump in the woods but I didn’t bring a mattress pad

what did she think I meant by roughing it, she’s so bummed slapping the swarming leg mosquitoes

So now I’m clearing brush with my Cold Steel Kukri

18 inches slashes through even little trees

I imagine they’re the limbs of various murder-rapists, it’s not sexist if she hits back some before I run in

I turn and give her a smile every now and again to say I’m not psycho

I’m covered in sweat and nature debris, forcing a smile, 18 inch blade in my hand that I know an uncomfortable amount about

I’m scary.