CLIENT:

Her mother signs her up for the class

and tells us that she was ‘assaulted with words’

at first, this brings to mind swarthy strangers

chasing her down the street yelling gibberish

‘Tomato sandwich!’

‘Abscond!’

‘Prairie dog cowboy hat!’

angrily as she cries

but if they’re willing to catcall

commenting loudly and with suggestive subtext

about the body of a 17 year old

it stands to reason

they might do much more.

 

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:

The marine in class before she appears

says it was all just cowardice

that a real man approaches

sacks up, says

‘Hey pretty lady, how about we grab a drink?’

a perfect white smile appearing

on his permanently-tanned face

to the applause of the other older men

and when she appears

he tries to teach her

‘The good ol’ 1, 2′

belly jiggling as he punches the air.

 

SERVICE RENDERED:

I start them on a simple drill

and take her over to BOB

a man-shaped target

with incredible abs

sculpted shorts hiding invisible penis

standing on a plastic base

I show her feigning surrender

slapping the ears

clinching behind the head

dropping the chin

for a headbutt.

 

RESULT:

surrender, smack, grab, slam

she plays an excellent victim

before obliterating the nasal bone

with a wrecking ball headbutt

and adding the knee to the crotch

like I showed her

I ask the marine

‘Do you feel like approaching now?’

smack, grab, slam

surrender down to half a second

knee hitting rubber crotch so hard

BOB’s base, filled with water, tips backward

‘Lord no,’ he says.