Flarf poem [Googled “Imaginary” and “Children”]

 

Parenting Made Simple

 

Is it normal for me to have an imaginary child?

Of course! They are the best!

Imaginary kids listen and offer support.

They teach more than just how to play pretend.

Estimates suggest as many as two-thirds of children have imaginary friends.

Reports have shown imaginary friends existing in children up to 12 years old.

How old am I?

Does that really matter?

Yes, I am over fifty!

So what?

7.5 % of those studied reported experiencing an imaginary friend as an adult.

If your imaginary child ever becomes scary, aggressive, or frightening, an evaluation with a mental health professional can give you peace of mind.

I’ll have no need for that.

If my imaginary child ever becomes scary, aggressive, or frightening, I’ll just give them a piece of my mind and to send them to their rooms.

Later, I’ll shout, “Just wait until your imaginary mother gets home! She’ll ground you for a week!”

See, I have it all figured out.

Being a parent is so simple.