Caught upon the sewing
A thread is found as I stitch together
My heart-
Not knowing I had pieced away
As you hurried off
Soap bubble of rainbow illusion
Popped
Leaving behind only traces
As it dampens my skin
a circular film of what it was
All this time-
Banking on a ‘what if’
How I pulled at that string
Unraveling myself
Trying to uncover what it was
That repelled you so-
My love is simple-
It just wants to be loved back
Is it really that difficult
Or so much to want?
I hold tight to that thread
I feel it twirl between my fingertips
And wonder if it was all worth it-
If all these years spent loving you
Meant anything at all
Or were you just the sponge that soaked it up
and then watered it down
While I clung forever to ‘what if’
But all of me is too much for you-
Of this now I know…
I had followed sodden breadcrumbs
That dried upon my lips
wondering had you kept it up
and just where I would be.
I keep pulling that thread at the hem
Tugging like a child, for attention
Anything-
To keep this soul running-
To keep the illusion going.
The dynamic has changed but
I can’t let go, no matter how hard I’ve tried
Thus I braid the thread into my hair
Admire the watercolors as it blends
Hiding, within those blues
I suffocate myself from lack of breath
as you had taken it with you when you left
But I pour my water over
The fires to extinguish
Ribbons of black soot rising
From my heart’s eruption
Splitting the earth-
Falling into the crevice
And spiraling down until I hit another world
Where you’re not so afraid
To feel. Anything.
Until then, I weave the thread and tuck it in
Beside the orchid behind my ear
And show the world that maybe
Someday
There might be
A what-if
And I would hear.