Dear Sheldon,

I walked up the path…. the one where snow crunched beneath our boots… that day.   I remember listening to sound of our steps, thinking spring will soon be here.  It never came for me.  That winter day etched into my heart so deep and froze me in time.  You never knew that.  You moved on.  You went to war, to work, to life.  I went to sleep.  I went to sleep in a winter so deep I never felt the sun again.  How could you know?  You never looked back.

I remember your shadow in the middle of those two huge pine trees as you walked away.  Your shoulders were broad and strong.  You were so sure you were choosing the right thing.  I was so sure I would die if you took one more step.  I keep holding my breath thinking you would turn around… it would all be a dream or a joke… but you didn’t.  I sat for hours where you left me on the ground there beneath the trees that were the only living thing that heard my scream as life and living left me.

They brought you back today.  Planted you across the way on the ridge.  I didn’t go watch it. No one knew I wasn’t there.  No one knew I knew.  No one knew I cared.  I just waited  and then walked to the last place we were together.

I wondered a few times if you ever thought of me.  If you had any regrets. When I was 50, I stopped thinking that way.  I started to believe you didn’t.  Now I will never know.

Today I sat beneath the one pine tree left on the hilltop.  I didn’t scream this time.  I didn’t even cry.  I just started waiting.  Waiting for my time to be planted.

yours forever,

Darvene Harless.