Just getting started. Thought we could gather some folks who want to get help and give help preparing for submissions.
Ingrid, this was fun to read I can imagine you grinning as you wrote “snip…snip…snip and, it’s gone!”
Great humor and great truth!
Wow! You have spilled much more than ink in this piece. I see the pain of a mother seeking forgiveness for the shame she caused the child of a lover and the ghostlike space she lingers in their hearts. Powerful and poignant! Well done.
I, too, find this peaceful, relaxing, and making my tongue wish for some mango slices. The moment I read “papaya” I saw its lovely color in the sunset, probably because using nature (to describe what I see) offers a special connection the reader can enjoy.
For weeks, Gigi’s roommate paced the floor
“You are really stressing me friend,
I can’t take it anymore.
Dinah, this may be the end.”
Gigi left and came back three days later.
Dinah was pacing […]
Somewhere on a mountaintop in a Holy Land
There is a spot that waits for me to stand
Wrapped in grace, white robes, barefoot in the sand
The air is sweet-tasting and pure and soft on my skin
Yes, soft […]
There’s always a silver lining,
be it shrouded in pain.
Every loss brings a gift of gain,
A perspective not often shared.
Sightedness depends not on eyes
But rather, on soul vision
Sound waves […]
Lethargic and drunk, the strange old man
with bottle in hand, meandered across the field.
Staring ahead as best he could, held onto his hat
With vision zooming this way and that.
There stood a cottage […]
There’s something profound about this poem. The progress of the story drew me in and along to the end.
It reads like a dramatic monologue in that it’s from the POV of the drunken man. He doesn’t know the damage he’s done but we, the readers, do.
But it’s not a dramatic monologue because he is not the speaker; an omniscient narrator is. If you want, you could re-write to change the “he” to “I”, etc. to make it dramatic monologue and — perhaps — give it a different effect. Of course, you would have to change a few other words such as “the strange old man” (interestingly, one of the lines that does not rhyme). Something like this?
Lethargic and drunk, with bottle in hand,
I meandered across the field ????
BTW: It took awhile before I realized you were rhyming. Maybe because the first two lines don’t. I like that the rhyme doesn’t call attention to itself.
I hear you rustling through the trees hunting a safe place
What once felt serenely secure, you must now guard.
Protect the young ones and keep innocence alive and well
Last year was my first to meet you […]
There they are.
Moving through the square shoulder to shoulder
in determined advance.
An army of two-legged soldiers on alert to procure
what they wait all night for.
There on the pavement, between […]
The corners of my mouth
lift slightly, long before
my eyes sense
the dance of daybreak.
on my windowsill.
reply, eagerly awaiting
Ground beans […]
I Feel You
This biting wind comes too soon.
It feels brittle under this sandy canopy.
Though apart, we share
the same night sky.
Can you see what my eyes behold?
I wept when we reached Sherwood Lane
and learned we’d not see your smiling eyes again.
Sis and I traveled far praying we would reach you in time.
Many hours in the air,
clenching armrests on our […]
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