Cw: this poem contains mentions of unhealthy eating habits that may trigger readers who have eating disorders or have suffered from eating disorders. If you struggle with eating disorders or suspect you might have an unhealthy relationship with food, please contact a nutritional health care professional.

I feel empty

Finally

As though I am not full

A pang of hunger stirs me

And twisted pride burns like coal.

I need to eat something

To keep from passing out

But as long as I drink water

I’ll keep the calories out

And finally be thin enough

Thin enough at last.

This is enough for 3 days

If I pace it out

…

I couldn’t stop the monster

It rose up again.

It ate both of the fruit in whole

My count is in the hole

Finger down the gullet

Because now I just want

Cake

…

Feeling empty sucks

But it’s better than reality

Than being fat and ugly

I just wish I could escape

The monster who makes me binge.

…

I told my doctor what the monster did

And she hugged me

She brought me a granola

And wrapped me in a blanket,

Dialing a number to

Hunt the monster down

She didn’t let me leave

Until I choked it down.

And asked me to tell her

How food made me feel.

…

I cried for hours after

I felt so much safer.

The monster is still there

Waiting in the mirror

But my doctor helped me

Learn how to lock it down.