I used to think

That everyone would get nervous in a roomful of girls

That it was perfectly normal

To have your heart skip a beat

When a pretty girl smiles at you

You just want to be friends, right?

 

I was assuaged

By the “correct” feeling for boys

Skipping hearts

Blushing cheeks

Irony has always been best appreciated

In hindsight

 

There was a girl

A close friend

Who delicately removed my shirt

And painted on my bare back

And I guiltily imagined what it would be like to kiss her

 

I had dreams

Where my hands and lips

Betrayed my desires

But how much could a dream mean anyway?

 

And then I held her hand

And leaned into her laugh just a little too much

And followed her to her bedroom

Where she curled into my side

And tilted her beautiful smile up to me

 

And I finally fucking realized