I could’ve been anyone
in any place, in any time, in any body
but I was born into this one
I was born as “this” and I’ve spent years
trying to make peace with that

I’ve had delicious highs and terrifying lows
I’ve lost people that I loved
and never stopped loving them
some are still walking around out there
some aren’t

I think this is the closest I’ve ever been
to being happy and enjoying that I’m alive
even if I’m still not sure
what I want out of life
or who I am trying to be

sometimes I want to be different
but I’m not sure what I’d change about myself (even if I could)
I have moments of thinking that I’d want
someone else’s face or life or body
but then I see that they carry their own damage

we’re all just… in it.

I wish I was close to my family but I don’t know
how to overlook our differences and connect in spite of them
maybe I’m stuck up, maybe I’m not the “sane” one
I think that I am intelligent and reasonable
of course, I may be delusional

there are days where I think I’m incredible
and beautiful and captivating
the way we think of old hollywood movie stars and celebrities
I know deep down that can’t be true
that there’s nothing special or perfect about me

just like there’s nothing special or perfect about anyone
that I’ve ever met and gotten to know
I made the choice to see them as special and perfect
because I loved them with their flaws
I don’t know if I can decide that for myself

if I’m allowed to make that choice, for me

maybe I am
maybe I’m allowed to be special
maybe I could be perfect
just existing as “this”
in this place, in this time, in this body