24 Poems ~ 24 Hours
I thought we’d be the librarian we wanted
I thought we’d be the lawyer inspired to be
I thought my present wouldn’t leave us haunted
I thought that there will be a future willingly to see
I look at future me and wonder
Because even she doesn’t know what her mask is hiding from under
The face is gone
brick came through windshield
thrown from the back of a work truck
graceful, in a perfect line
like it had wings
sent by God and physics
to annihilate face and head
so that there’s nothing to grieve
except limbs, legs and torso.
I want to cry
But I couldn’t tell you why
I don’t even know it myself
I feel so overwhelmed
My fight or flight is activated
What’s wrong with me?
Logic knows I am alright
I’ve nothing to fear, I’m safe
Yet something is amiss
Just breathe, I tell myself
Breathe through the feelings
Breathe away the panic
Now the music is too loud?
I can hear everything
Going on around me, all at once
I feel like I’m suffocating
Should I step outside?
There’s too many people out there
What is this weight I feel?
I wish it would go away
I just want to be okay
I was there during the diagnosis
I was the one to take you to the hospital
Multiple times, back and forth
I was there when you fell down
I was the one to pick you up
I saw you struggle and win
I saw you hopefully looking towards the future
Toxic positivity
I then saw you despair
Disillusioned with the world
Shut in your own little one
I saw you slipping
Day by day
I saw you give up on everything
And I was there when you finally
Decided to let go
And no matter where you are, just know
I will be here to welcome you home.
HOUR 12
WHEN WE VISITED LOURDES
We visited Lourdes (France),
like all devout Catholics,
to ask for favors.
Our girls were two and one.
The younger one had a milk allergy,
and drank protein milk,
which resulted in poop
of the foulest odor.
We arrived late for the only mass
In English.
We entered the crowded church,
with two strollers, two toddlers
and myriad backpacks and bags.
The faithful were determined
not to let us through.
We were as determined to
make our way,
into their midst.
We settled on the floor
amidst glowering looks
which we ignored.
Then Natasha decided to unload.
The dreadful smell reached the rafters
and settled on the believers.
We couldn’t pretend it wasn’t us,
not after the sounds Natasha made.
When we stood up to leave,
the crowd parted like the Red Sea.
We were out in the fraction
of the time we went in.
I have always loved the closet
Even as a child, I felt drawn to it
Not for me laughter and light
But only the warmth and darkness of the closet
I felt safe, away from prying eyes and judgemental stares
But as I grew up, I realized
Hiding away is a coward’s choice
And so, one bright sunny day
I opened the closet and walked out of it
I embraced the brightness and allowed the light to warm my soul
Ah! Should have done this sooner
The closet is my safe place but the world my playground!
How wonderful it is
To articulate a scene in your mind
Into a scene on the page
With pencil and keyboard
A different world is born
Filled with anything one can imagine
Humanity was built on stories
What a gift it is
To take part in that legacy
She was nothing remarkable
at least, that’s what I kept telling myself
truth is: she was everything I wanted
everything I needed
everything I deserve
Amazingly, I had her
she was in my grasp
I held tight
perhaps too tight
I should have let her breathe
to flourish under her own guidance
she was remarkable
she is remarkable
to me.
#6: Work…your life away
September 1: Pay rent.
September 2: Work.
September 3: Work.
September 4: Work.
September 5: Work.
September 6: Work.
September 7: Work.
September 8: Work.
September 9: Work.
September 10: Work.
September 11: Work.
September 12: Work.
September 13: Work.
September 14: Work.
September 15: Work.
September 16: Work.
September 17: Work.
September 18: Work.
September 19: Work.
September 20: Work.
September 21: Work.
September 22: Work.
September 23: Work.
September 24: Work.
September 25: Work.
September 26: Work.
September 27: Work.
September 28: Work.
September 29: Work.
September 30: Work.
October 1: Pay rent.
Repeat until you can’t anymore.
A roll of the dice is all life really is
One shot
Two choices
Three decisions
Four outcomes
Five secrets
Six ways to make or break you