An Abridged Post-Mutilation Testament (Hour 17)

“I am begging,

Let me be lonely

but not invisible.”

– Natalie Diaz

 

That heart is homegrown now.

Those guiltless drives

and gentle concerns are much stronger now.

Only now, it has grown the tools to sieve you out,

since you failed to extinguish it.

 

That head is ever more wiser now.

Those selfless sacrifices and

tireless work behind the scenes.

It can sift the chaff better now,

since you failed to shut it down.

 

Those hands aren’t as swift as they used to be.

Much brawn and fuel drawn from them

in that fruitless misapplication of your multitasking concepts.

Now though, they can hinge well on reborn pivots

since you failed to render them numb.

 

 

 

Written from the text prompt of Hour 17.

shhhh

heart is bulging out of my chest

the air

thin

 

hand clutched over mouth

no sound shall escape

no sound

 

the blood gushes through my veins

roars

angry and scared

 

rough stone scratches at my neck

so long as I press against this wall

I’ll know that no one is behind me

 

they’re near

shhh

still

 

numb, all my limbs, numb

why can’t I feel anything

paralyzing

Hour 18-Bed

Don’t be showing me some picture of a bed

Already made, comfy

Calling to me

This time of night

After this number of poems

You should be ashamed of yourselves

That’s like porn

You are getting me thinking things

I don’t want to think

How dare you show me a bed

Putting a picture like that up

That’s just mean

Let Me

Let Me
I am begging: Let me be lonely but not invisible
Let me be single but not divisible
your infinity palm let me hold
your golden eyes let me behold
dawn to dusk your charm spreads
highs and lows your feet treads
your words of wisdom let me gather
and follow your footsteps farther
I am begging: Let me be calm but not quiet
Let me be sane but not disquiet

(Text Prompt: “I am begging: Let me be lonely but not invisible.” – Natalie Diaz – as a jumping off point)

Hour 17

@varenyas

Void

Shhhh

He never listens.
Cuts me off backs me up
Into a corner
Lines up the next verbal punch.

I ask again:

Is it ok to just not answer someone?
If they ask you directly.

I get more non answers.
A swerve.
He thinks he is right.
A dodge.
I won’t agree.
A hit.
He won’t compromise, so why speak.

I can’t do thia.
He never
Shuts up.
And listens.

He talks over me
Around me
Through me
And if none of that works
Ignores me
Completely.

It is marriage.
It is assault and battery
With language as a weapon.

The Help- hour 14

Beyond the solidarity of the womb, is a silent necessity to be nurtured-

A sapling needs the flare of the sun from a distance, the ritual of watering with precision and the invincible air that is an unrequitted love.

The polar bear is left alone by its mother after a period of protected nourishment. To allow the solitary walk is resilient nurturing. Protecting only until there are the necessary wounds and you learn to heal.

For, each flight is a reverberation of a faith that nurture instills in you.

 

Living in the Past

My grandmother’s garden with rabbits eating her plants, my grandfather waking up at

five in the morning every day to make his social rounds.

A handmade first communion dress, magnolia trees in bloom,

unwrapped Christmas presents, stepping on a metal rake and lying

in a tub as my foot bled

My father playing chess in every spare moment, how I could here him thinking about chess

when he was on the phone with me.

These phantoms of moments and people dissolved

the way I imagine losing a finger might feel as if it’s still there when it really is not,

is how they linger

Wingman (Hour 14, A Five Way Stop Sign Prompted Poem — of Sorts)

 

Though Mother Goose was his wingman,

His dad’s ghost always flew shotgun.

With brilliant mind and rebel heart,

He was too good for his own good.

A fearless fighter pilot, known

For his control tower fly-bys,

His reckless indiscretions could

Have tossed them both from Mirimar.

 

A ladies’ man by all accounts,

He seduced his teacher, Charlie.

Retting’s soulful sounds took him back

While Charlie took his breath away.

Sweaty shirtless sunkissed bodies

Spiked volleyballs into the sand.

“Great Balls of Fire” rang out from the

Piano as they fell in love.

 

On a routine hop, Pete lost control

Flying blind into the jet wash.

Goose yanked the ejection handle

Before they splashed into the sea.

Goose didn’t make it. Maverick was acquitted.

But his guilt, he couldn’t shake it.

So he loaded up his flight gear

Giving up his lifelong dream.

 

Charlie found him on a barstool.

She’d come to say her last goodbye.

When she saw how hopeless Pete was,

She had to give one more try.

He just sat there and ignored her.

She stood and left him with a sigh.

He gazed down into his shot glass

Then tossed back the rest of his drink.

 

A change of heart overwhelmed him.

He attended graduation

And was chosen for a mission

Without further explanation.

Bang, bang! Boom, boom! They lost, we won!

Their dogfight became a headline.

“Yo! Be my wingman!” Iceman said.

“Bullshit!” Pete grinned. “You can be mine!”

 

(This poem is a mashup of so many things. Firstly, one of the prompts from earlier in this marathon was to condense the plot of a book and turn it into a poem. I stretched that idea a bit by using one of my guilty pleasures and all-time favorite movies, “Top Gun.” Secondly, I challenged myself by fitting it into an actual format — even though it’s technically one that I myself created, the Stop Sign poem. A Stop Sign poem is made up of stanzas of eight lines, with each line consisting of eight syllables. The number of stanzas in the poem determines the number of ways of the Stop Sign. In the poem above, I have written a Five-Way Stop Sign poem.)

Poem 18:  A Tribute to Allen Ginsberg “Needed Medicine”

I saw the madness all around me. Black men dragged by their broken

Feet. Perforated dreams

Holes in their family

Death not an adequate explanation

Teenagers, far from their gilded homes

Experimenting

Not afraid. But Christ

They should be. The power of unity

Taking us for an ill-fated ride

We know not why or

How. But we protest what we don’t know, and stand up for what we

Also don’t know.

If I hear the word justice one more time, I will

Puke. All it means is keeping the world as it is.

Destruction, disrespect, jealousy. But mostly

Fear. Big strong men, in armour. A brutal

Army… fighting off innocence.

There might not be

Corruption, if everybody gave in. But then the world would

Suck, even more than it already does.

Serving the country by killing. Having to be

Stoned, to survive the memory.

Assholes. Telling me what to do when they’re

Drunk with power.

Let us

Camp in the tents of our souls. The insects

Don’t bother me. Let the wind take us

At least it knows where it’s going.

But if you want money for people with minds that hate

All I can tell you is brother you have to wait*

 

*Revolution (Lennon/McCartney)