(dude in the tub)
you had me hooked from the first song;
grabbed me by the neck
and emptied me into oblivion
like a white page in a snow storm
incapable of holding words
implicated in secrets
submerged from the neck down
floating in my own filth.
I think it’s you who needs cleansing.
(C) r.l. elke
This is such an intense poem. I don’t think I’ve read a narrative poem quite like this before.
This line inparticular was like – Wow.
“like a white page in a snow storm
incapable of holding words”
thank you. it was a fruitful image with lots of stuff in it to mine.
“emptied me into oblivion” — wow! What an original powerful image of losing oneself.
“like a white page in a snow storm / incapable of holding word” – the first line is already a powerful but the next line takes the simile further and adds purpose to the it, lends more meaning to the poem.
I wonder how it would read if the last line were connected to the one before?
I’m still wondering about the “dude in the tub” and that’s a good thing in my opinion — to leave readers wondering.
Thank you. The dude in the tub thing was just a description of the image. It wasn’t really part of the piece. LOL. Maybe I should take it out.
Please let me know which lines to combine (the last 2?). I am interested in trying that.