Sometimes I sit in my bed and read through my dozens of notebooks and wonder if my writing can be classified as original content. The words usually balance somewhere between the lines of awkward fiction, insomatic prose, sinful fantasies, and cliché poetry. If I could go back and rewrite that one poem about pura vida bracelets, I probably would, because I just suddenly remembered that I used “full” inside of the stanza when I really should’ve used “filled”.
It’s really stupid how they teach us that two negatives cancel out to be a positive, but two wrongs don’t cancel out to be a right. I made two stupid mistakes, hooking up with Claire in the gallery and losing her number, but I bet she’s doing alright.
If Claire doesn’t remember me, I bet Victor doesn’t either. We had a thing going on for a few months, but that was years ago, and now I’m bitter because why are my relationship now shorter than the ones I had years ago?
My pen is not cooperating with me. I’ll probably have to type this all up, but right now, I’m scribbling the words down with this pen. It’s really smooth when it comes to making lines and all, but the ink is bleeding and messing up my pinkie.
I have a bad habit of forgetting to cap my pen in my bed, and sometimes I wake with ink stains on my pillows and sheets. Sometimes it’s mascara, too, because my pillows are either for crying or cuddling. If I’ve fallen asleep, they’re probably on the floor, because I’m a messy sleeper, or in my arms, because I’m a huge cuddler— they’re just never actually under my head.
Looking back, I’ve realized that English is a strange language, red is a mesmerizing color, my guitar sounds better when you play it, and only one of the two mistakes in sentence five was stupid.
Do two past events cancel out ot be a present events? Or is it a future event?
Whenever I write questions I can hear a voice in a my head telling me to think again, but I swear to God, the answer isn’t right in front of me, so shut up, will you?
It said no.
This is the most unstructured work I’ve written in this notebook, but I like it. It’s messy, but it’s raw. All that good stuff. I want a new notebook.
Time’s up, it’s 10 AM, now. I should get out of bed. I’ll get some skittles with that.