Taking a step back from family,
I choose to accept myself for me.

Years of biting my tongue,
taking the high road,
or just plain hiding myself,
all culminate in one text exchange:

“Please support your family,
come to your grandson’s memorial service,
even if you don’t agree with the way we do things,
your family needs you”

…

This was enough to open flood gates.
This was enough to call a grieving girl
vile names.

This was the last straw.

I never thought I
had it in me to set boundaries.
I never thought
it was truly possible to
leave this pain in the past.

I never thought I could
escape
narcissistic elders
who’ve never been told no.

But I did.

It’s painful.
It was devastating
for a period of time.
It left my heart pounding
in a way that even grief didn’t
quite
mimic.

At a time where I thought
things couldn’t get any worse

the people who are supposed to be
caring
loving
supportive
somehow ensured that it did.

I will never return
to allowing people to step over
me.
My thoughts,
my opinions,
my true self,
are never going to be concealed again
especially not in hopes of gaining love

from someone I should never have had to convince.