Did you know
the word tattoo
originated as “tap-too”?

A sound based on a militant drum beat,
one i can hear perfectly in the sound
of a needle berating my skin,
the pattern that I designed being etched
into the pale placement I picked for it.

Sometimes that perfect pattern of pokes
is enough
to settle a racing mind.
That tap-too of the tattoo is a calming force
in a panicked life.

The day I called a friend
and she didn’t answer
my heart stopped

Minutes later,
on the phone with her parents
my heart broke.

Hearing about her secrets,
her hidden pains
put me in a state of eruption.

Terror, desolation , anger, guilt
came spilling out of me for days,
the sounds of “Colors of the Wind” on repeat in the back of my mind,
a constant reminder of our connection
and my fear of losing her.

“We are all connected to each other
in a circle, in a hoop
that never ends”

Now that constant reminder
is etched on my forearm
no longer a deliberate Disney song,
now a tribute to the people who are a part of me,
and the Pocahontas playlist has stopped.

The therapy is working.