i know what’s coming
cats don’t live longer than people
i remember the pain
the ineffable grief
don’t want to get out of bed don’t want to go to school
how could i
when the best cat the world ever had was dead
i wish i wasn’t there when the vet put her down
she was scared

i wonder as i pet sleek black fur
and rub a spotted tabby tummy
if this is worth it
is the joy they give me now
greater than what will come
what still hurts

maybe it is not a matter of worth
of choice
but of necessity
maybe i need these furry companions
to love unconditionally
to break my heart
someday
maybe not
i think they might be worth it