googling old lovers

I looked for you yesterday
Knowing that your name
That song of syllables
Bequeathed you by a man
As tall as you perhaps as wild
Would ride the tidal wave
Of names of losses left uncounted
Dark hot sorrow

It was a nuclear separation
The explosive white fire
of my father’s anger
The warm brown sorrow
of your mother’s foreseeing
The incandescence of desire
fell from my fingers like notes
of music from plucked strings
Or water heard, unseen
I did not find you

Only your death
the abrupt end of that road trip
we once thought we’d take together
three years after the black hot sorrow
Of my leaving
you were dust unto dust
Bones broken by familiar hate

and now decades past that fire
the hazy smoke of your name
curls above the embers
Dark
Hot
Sorrow that I would not feel
Could not submit to
Even now