Dear Stalkers

Yes, you… New England boy with the pleasant voice and brilliant mind. Well, maybe not you, per se, intentionally, but your boss(es). You’re a nice man. I enjoyed our conversations.

I suspected you a few years ago, prior to Facebook hacking
my account for who knows why… maybe because I spilled the beans about the plandemic having been just that at least 40 years ago, if not more.

Beans, beans, beans, and more beans.

Politics and the price of beans – both are in the clouds these days as things go; and I don’t care. I do, however, care that I’m being stalked and harassed by your crazy co-workers whose identities you probably don’t even know.

SO… I scattered some beans and built a virtual wall.

Yup, I turned off “Location” on my Droid, and got a VPN for the pewter. That’s what smart people do when Cruella deVil wannabes with faux names of similar meaning to my own pathetically beg for my friendship in the most uncivilized demanding manner at the local winery.

I’d only been there 20 minutes – how did she know where to find me?

There’s no need to drive in this lovely Oregon mountain community with more wineries than churches or restaurants. How did she know I was there? Probably the same way she knew to find me at a waterfall 14 miles out in the wilderness on a rainy full moon evening. I passed her car on the way back after being there only 15 minutes. She must have just been taking the unpaved fire roads to the nearest WalMart – certainly not driving out that way to confront me with a poorly practiced Cruella impersonation like she did last Saturday. “What have we here…”. I can’t help but laugh… I mean, seriously? “What have we here…”?

That woman is one scary Blitch (spelling intended).

Yes, folks, for less than a dollar a month, anyone can track anyone else’s phone location for any reason. America is in dire need of regulations on that kind of thing, which will never happen because some politicians seem to believe themselves to be herd dogs. Speaking of which, January 6… Thanks for the invitation, but anyone with a modicum of tech knowledge could see it was a set-up. I am so ashamed of our country right now, feeling like a parent scolding two toddlers fighting over a board game.

“Behave! Both of you! You will either play fair, or there will be no dessert for a week!”

“But he cheated!”

“Bleu, cheating is never worth it. Think about it this way… a real win is much more satisfying than a false one.”

“Well, he cheated last time we played.”

“Redd, is that true?”

“No, not last time, but maybe the time before, before the time before that.”

“Same thing. Why do you two cheat each other when playing fairly together can be so much more fun? I don’t understand.”

[Downcast eyes and a long period of silence until both speak at the same time…]

“Hush! Just hush! Mommy loves you both, and I want you to grow up to be productive, respectable adults. Cheating is simply not respectable. The whole world will reject you if you cheat.”

“Will you reject us?”

“Never. I will always love you no matter what, but I have to say that I feel hurt and disappointed when you disturb the peace of this household with all these squabbles. Please try to exhibit with absolute clarity that neither of you even want to cheat. And by all means don’t use accusations of cheating as a tool to manipulate me. If I catch you doing that, I’ll take the game away entirely. Understand?”

“Yes, ma’am”

“How about let’s put the game away for now and go bowling?”

“Yea!!!”

Nothing could speak more truth than the actions behind words. And since my actions thus far have not been clear enough, let me spell it out for you and answer those repetitive questions your people keep asking:

  1. I cannot be provoked to any level of violence. Please see ORS 166-065, ORS 163-190, and ORS 163-165. I now have two witnessed incidents and one non-witnessed assault with photos of the injury she caused. It might be time for your girl to back off, given that the last cited statute is a felony. All she has to do is… spill the beans.
  2. I am not, have never been, and will never be a prostitute. With three college degrees and substantial tech training, why would I even think about that as a career choice?
  3. Like all other normal people, I vehemently oppose involuntary human trafficking of any sort.
  4. Some people want or need to be prostitutes, and I do not fault them for it, but I prefer to live in a brothel free zone.
  5. I am 100% heterosexual, though it is none of your business.
  6. I am a post menopausal female – where did you get that I might be a “trannie” as he put it?
  7. Marriage is a spiritual sacrament, not a civic duty, so quit pushing me to marry for any reason other than that one.
  8. Yes, I have met that Anti-Christ Wannabe, so quit asking.
  9. I’ve never purchased cosmetics on Amazon.
  10. I lived on Clearview from 1968 to 1982; and it wasn’t in a tent prior to 1972.
  11. I am not a clone, as indicated by my Ancestry results (oh, brother!).
  12. I’ll sue when I feel like it, given the lack of a statute of limitations on this core issue.
  13. I love knowing the spawn of Satan is worried about it enough to pull all these stunts! LOL!!!

You boys are digging yourselves in pretty deep! I’m sure by now you need new shovels, so here’s my itinerary: Taxco, Cancun, Panama City, Rio, Argentina, South Africa, Melbourne, NZ, Thailand, Singapore, Bora Bora, Italy, Switzerland, Germany, UK, France, Spain, Portugal, Spain, France, UK, New York. That’s quite a number of Blitches to set up… best of luck there. I depart from SFO in January, though my VPN will continue to say I’m in Seattle – a city I’ve never visited. It’s going to be a trip!

So, sugarplum, I won’t be calling you back. And, btw, give my thanks to your bosses for the free rent.

Finally, yes, I know the majority of readers will have no clue what I’m talking about, and most won’t care. They will, like normal people, laugh it off as the musings of a wordsmith. Those that actually do understand will laugh and say to me “what are you talking about?” Human nature. Guilty dogs always bark first.

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