Princess Piqueé

Once upon a time…

Here we go again with that trite line

Once upon a time in a land far…

Oh, please… seriously? For God’s sake, make it real.

Ok, fine… this chick in the good ol’ US of A…

I like “Princess” better… this priceless princess… that works.

May I get to the point please?

Yes. Go ahead.

Ok. This somewhat snobby princess with a laundry list of…

Now you have your audience thinking in terms of
dirty clothes and dirty laundry,
like you’re washing off the mud.

Well, maybe I am… may I please just be creative here?

Yes, of course. Go ahead.

Ok. A grown woman in Oregon who left Texas, New York, Florida, and California for many reasons, one of which was the flagging culture in all of them, decided to write a poem about all the reasons she has ended, or not even begun relationships with men…

Sounds interesting. Useful to the broken hearted.

Yes. Thank you. Anyway, she wrote down this list she’d planned to use to develop a script, and realized what a good poem it would make, but her busybody muse that day kept interrupting and she lost her train of thought.

Uh… sorry. Keep going. I’ll shut up.

Fine. Thank you.

I don’t think I want to hear this.

Then, don’t read it…

La la la la la… not listening.

Well, when you’re in a better mood, here’s the list. YOU write the damned poem!

Smoking anything! Wandering eyes An erection in public Wedding ring Wedding ring tan line Too much tanning Drunkenness Loud voice Too many “buddies” around Absurd pickup lines Too much cologne Bad teeth Dirty fingernails Foul language Poor taste in clothing Dirty shoes Lipstick on the collar A “too familiar” woman Pre-occupation with his phone Glancing in the mirror Slamming a shot glass down onto the bar Bathroom behavior in public Dirty bathroom Dirty kitchen Unmatched dishes Inability to cook Flashing expensive car keys Mentioning his expensive car / house / stock portfolio Mentioning his girlfriend Mentioning his wife Married, married, married Mentioning his cohabitating girlfriend Lack of interest in the arts Excessive interest in sports Lack of education Disdain for educated people Pre-occupation with net worth Messy house / car Personal hygiene issues Underwear showing Acting too familiar too soon Not calling enough Calling too much Waiting too long to call Annoying voice Self-absorption No creative outlet Couch potato Lack of ambition Discouraging commentary Armchair psychiatry Fear of dirt and natural living things (spiders, etc.) Doesn’t like music / movies / theater Too many prescriptions Poor dietary habits Manipulative behaviors Unkind behavior toward anyone

Dang Woman! Demanding much?


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