Joy is fleeting

rarely seen

I have no true recollection of it

possibly of content

it seems overrated

like an experience to have

not hold

not one to be

not one that stays

I am weary of drifters.

 

I have come to know and understand

my darkness.

It’s my neighbor

sometimes it comes over and bathes with me

drinks tea

and makes me reflect on the things I need to work on

within myself

Sometimes I welcome it

and other times

I shut it out

scream at it

tell it to leave me alone

and it does

for a little while

but always returns to see if its missed

to see if it can teach me a little bit more

about people that I don’t need in my life

 

it sends demons by

to glance me over

to trick me into acceptance of making more room

for it

It prefers me by myself

I don’t know what I’m like without it

 

Joy is a tease

a toxic false fleeting emotion

that stays only long enough for a sip

its harder to know

to understand

its too bright

and I work with the lights off