The Poetry Marathon

I know what I am
I’m a sinner
I’m not perfect
But I have so
much in the Lord
My Father
~
Hope is the first
thing that I have
When I’m done
with this life
I know where I’m
gonna end
~
Faith the second
sure of what I hope
for Certain of things
not yet seen
I know I’ll get there
when it’s my time
~
Peace the third
not afraid
to speak my mind
say what’s on my heart
and be just fine
~
Grace is the next
Undeserved
yet given
to us freely
We can’t earn it
by works or deeds
We have to accept
him to recieve it
~
Mercy is another
How we got it
I don’t know
We deserve to die
horrible deaths
for the sins we commit
yet the Father
sent his one and only
son to the cross to die
for us all
~
Love is one more
It’s patient and its kind
never late always on time
It is not proud
and keeps no records of wrongs
It’s always there
never fails and never ends
~
Joy is the last
thing on my mind
Inexpressable
at times
just how lucky I am
to be a sinner saved
by the blood of Christ
~
Hard to imagine living any
other way But
I am free and I am forgiven
And that’s just the way I like it.

Autumn Chill
Sweater
brisk
hot tea
pens
paper
raking leaves
gold
red
bonfire
My ideal day

As I sit here, sluggishly
writing to complete my task
at hand-
I find myself thinking
about my bed and sleep

It’s been a long day
but a short, quick one
at the same time
I started off bright eyed
now I can barely keep
my eyes open

moments of clarity
where I can power through
excitedly typing away
others where if I close my eyes
I’m going to pass out

Don’t you taunt me bed
That’s not right
I could have napped earlier
but at the same time-
I didn’t want to run the risk
of missing deadlines.

stop singing your sweet siren
song- I’ll be with you as soon as
possible; I have other things that I
need to take care of before we meet

Wait for me

Just like that-
you were done
fed up with this life
no room for anything else

You must have been depressed
I heard so many people say
to take a gun, end it all
with no chance for turning back

you were so many things:
disturbed
selfish
pathetic
over and over, oh I heard them all

I remember you as I saw you-
unselfish
freely giving
doing without
just so those you cared about
could go further

maybe you were bullied
maybe you liked to drink
or do drugs
I don’t know

People who knew nothing about
you, made judgments
so many judgments
what right did they have?

Just like that
you left
there’s a hold that never fills up
time didn’t make it easier either

Dear therapist–

I wish thank you was an
adequate way to express
my gratitude for you and all
that you have done in my life

you’ve seen me at my best
all of the good and you’ve
seen me at my absolute worst
the really bad stuff
you never judged

Despite the multitude of things
that I’ve said that society says is
taboo for a young woman to do
I blame my upbringing

Therapy is such a four letter word
for some people- not me-
I think everyone could benefit
from some therapy

I know we have to go our
separate ways now- I can
see it now that I can stand on my
own two feet-I no longer need you
to hold my hand.

So thank you therapist
I appreciate you making time
for me to spill my guts to you
about all of my problems and not
saying a word to anyone else

— Your patient

While reading my Bible
the 12 things that stuck out to
me

12 disciples learning
11 disciples honoring
10 plagues
9 Beatitudes
8 lessons learned
7 miracles Jesus performed
6 days of creation
5 loaves of bread
4 Gospels
3 parts of the holy trinity
2 places to go
1 Savior hung upon a tree

The time is once again
upon us- The anticipation
is high like always
I’ve made my preparations

I’ve prayed to God for strength
and stamina- I write to please him
no one else- And it takes alot out
of me

I’ve gone to the store
and bought groceries both
good and bad-
I have a sweet tooth
and sometimes it helps

It’s cloudy and rainy outside
Threatening a storm or two
Perfect weather for a night such
as this

I have told everyone not
to bother me- They know my writing
is important to me-whether they
appreciate it or not

I can see that like always
the time is growing short
the rest of my preparations
are necessary-

Extra paper
Pens and pencils
lots of cocoa
tea
headphones
and music
A change or two of scenery
and above all-

Patience.
Throw in some sleep deprivation
for good measure

The words won’t come
too quickly
and that’s ok,
but if they do-
I must be ready to catch them.

Sometimes the words
don’t want to listen and come
far too quickly for me to catch them
all

The only demands on my time
today, is that I pay attention to
the clock at times

My recipe for the poetry marathon

Hey! Thanks for meeting me
I know that you only have
a few moments before she calls
asking where you are-

I have something to tell you
and I really don’t know just
how to say it without hurting or
upsetting you.

I’ve tried to hide it
and deny it
tell myself that you
belong to someone else

I’m in love with you
I know that comes as
a shock to you but I can’t help it
I’m in love with you

My cards are all out
for everyone to see
there’s nothing that
I can do to hide from you

I know that it can’t go
anywhere at all
you’re married and
you’ve told me that
you want to leave her
but the fact is

You keep putting it off
and even though I love you
I can’t keep waiting for you
it’s something that keeps
having “soon” attached

sshh- It’s ok
I understand that we were
playing with a potential fire
and I know that if I say anymore
others will find out

What are you so afraid of
I know you aren’t going to
leave her and I know that you
were only fucking with my emotions
That’s ok- I was a distraction

But now? I’m no longer your distraction
It’s because I love you so much
that I can let you go now
I just had to see you one last time
To make you see that you don’t have to
feely guilty.

Goodbye my love

Sitting around
trying to relax
thinking nothing’s
going to hurt me
But then a small seed
of panic

No reason to panic
I know everyone
that’s in the room
They won’t hurt me
aren’t going to take
advantage of me
I’m safe

Sometimes it’s a little
hard knowing everyone
and yet not letting them in
Let them see
the panic
the fear
the real me

I need to get out
of here
of the area
away from everyone

don’t let them see it
smell it
hear it
it’s so strong
that you could taste it

Everyone’s smells are
starting to get to me
starting to panic me
to the point that I
can’t breathe
anymore

Need to get outta here
the panic is getting
stronger
like everyone can sense
it and are creeping closer

I’m begging silently
please
please
please
Get away from me
Don’t come any closer
They aren’t listening

No one’s listening
like they can’t hear
me
like they don’t
even care
how I feel

Take a deep breath
Another
Feeling so lightheaded
I feel so ill
like I’m about to throw up

panic
it won’t stop
It gets stronger
it’s winning again
For another day

Sliding down to the floor
where no one can see me
Outta sight, outta mind
maybe it’ll be easier

not helping much
but some at least
a little easier to breathe
at least

You had me so fooled
for all those years.
Thinking everything was my
fault.
You were so good at that

No one else had to take
responsibility for their actions.
I was the only person at fault
in the whole world. I had to take
the responsibility for their actions.

You are the Master of deceit.
The biggest trickster there is
Yet you come in such a pretty
package and dangle the pretty things
in our faces to hook us.

No more. I won’t allow it.
Every single time that I say
no, it angers you. It starts
to cripple you.

You can’t touch me anymore
Because I have a weapon that
you don’t have access to.
The Armor of God.