#23, Silly


You are my laughter.

Tickles and fart jokes.

Finger in my nose.

Fingers on my feet.

Making me squirm and shriek.

Laughter twinkles through the bedroom doors.

You hold me down and put your ass on my arm and rip one.

Gross boy.

24 year old child.

You make me giggle like a 5 year old.

Wrestling matches under the covers.

We accidentally punch each other. Or pinch each other. Or push each other off the bed.

Someone’s glasses go flying off their face.


You make me live again.

You are life. You refuse to let me dry up and become a prune.

But your god damn ass stinks!!


#22, Silence

I am forgetting your voice.

I dont have it captured anywhere.

I kick myself for that

All this technology


Brain melting stuff

and I never thought to record your voice

I remember my aunt used to record Christmases when we were little

I want to comb through the pile of tapes and find you

Hold you again

If only with my ears.

I could close my eyes and hear your voice

Run my hand down the path you always ran down my cheek

Pretend it was you there

Comforting me like you would have

Pretend it was your thumb on my cheek and not my own.

When I could curl up at your feet and put my head in your lap, forever 10years old.

How do I do these things without you?

Get married?

Have babies?

Who am I going to call for help when the baby wont stop crying?

How can I be a mother…

Without mine to show me how???


I run my thumb down my tear stained face.

Pretend its yours again.

Try and hear you.


#21, Accident

A minefield of accidental objects.





Woke me up. For another round.

Probably my last.



The alarm might be enough…

#20, We dont use the Zed word!!!

Race Rush Race To the finish. Race Rush Race To the end. We all race to the finish line. We all shamble Zombies. Shuffle our corpses to the end of the world. And chew on each others bones.

#19, Drenched

Sweat pours and gathers in the dark.

It can be cold as a refrigerator and her collar still gathers sweat over night.

There is no reason

No good rule to follow

It was what it was.

You cant change the wind by blowing into the storm.

So you smile into the breeze and clean up after it blows over.

#18, gold and white.

There once was a beautiful bird.

Guilded in sunlight and gold was this avian delight.

Sweet and able to read the hearts of man she was also

Coveted. Hunted. Desired.

For all in the land wanted to be the person to possess her.

Exhausted she flew from branch to branch

Over every hill and forest she flew

Over every valley and tussock.

Over every home and city

She flew, only pausing on a branch long enough to bathe, drink and eat.

Her heart was strong and true

But even the strongest and most true can only burn bright for so long.

She fell one day in the middle of a blizzard. Gold pure light lost in a white blast of rushed wind.

What a waste. Sacrifice to the hunters.

Hope they’re happy now.


#17, August 24th.

Your birthday just turned into someone else’s. Someone I dont know yet. My best friends sister just went into labor. The child is picking a good day to come into this world. I hope she has a wonderful life. Just like you did. Beautiful baby girl. Welcome to our spinning ball of chaos. Stake your claim. Dont be a sheep. Dont let them ruin your spirit. Dont let them tether you down and clip your wings. She never did. Live up to August 24th.

#16, Missing Birthday

Happy Birthday.
Or it would have been.
Chocolate cake and chocolate milk .
Your safest addiction.

Fun and laughter
Teasing and presents that make you cry and smile
Hug us.
“Your girls.”

Dad would kiss you.
You both so in love you look like teenagers
Ill never forget what love looks like
Maybe never live up to the story of your love
The grandness of it.

Now all that is left is what was.
Three years.
Almost three you have been gone.
Forever and a second in a single heartbeat

The absence in my heart is a sucking wound.
A sink hole in my chest.
You could fit the Titans in it.
I miss you so
Would give anything to wish you
Happy Birthday to your face.
Make you smile.

All that remains are the memories
Our broken family
An empty house
Falling into the dirt



Why did you have to go?

#15, A Brutal Truth

blue the coldest

red the oldest

blood the inspiration

across a nation



all letters

all better

in the end??


1 2 3