I am forgetting your voice.

I dont have it captured anywhere.

I kick myself for that

All this technology

Buzzing

Brain melting stuff

and I never thought to record your voice

I remember my aunt used to record Christmases when we were little

I want to comb through the pile of tapes and find you

Hold you again

If only with my ears.

I could close my eyes and hear your voice

Run my hand down the path you always ran down my cheek

Pretend it was you there

Comforting me like you would have

Pretend it was your thumb on my cheek and not my own.

When I could curl up at your feet and put my head in your lap, forever 10years old.

How do I do these things without you?

Get married?

Have babies?

Who am I going to call for help when the baby wont stop crying?

How can I be a mother…

Without mine to show me how???

 

I run my thumb down my tear stained face.

Pretend its yours again.

Try and hear you.

Silence.