Secret–1pm

I’m fine
I’m OK
Anything to keep you
from learning the truth
my dirty little secret

I’ve fallen once more
ruined my good work
and the bitch of it is
No one will know
understand
or care

I don’t know how to
explain it to you

It was an accident
simply an accident
I didn’t mean to
I just scraped it
when I fell

As I lay me down
down to sleep
pray that maybe
someday
you will understand
and I’ll be free.

Don’t try to save me
I’m beyond saving

There is nothing that
you can do-
I can’t be saved
Some people work that way

Some people
are just wired
to hurt themselves
They crave it

Like a puzzle peice
once missing
now snapped into place.

If you’ve never done it
You won’t get it-
And that’s ok.

I’d rather keep you in the dark
and have you blind than to drag
you into my hell.

Where things just don’t
make sense and where
people constantly accuse
and judge you-
but you’re the one who punishes

SSSHHH-
It’s OK
just go back to
sleep-
Everything will be ok in the morning

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord to keep my soul
If I should wake in the morning-
It will be a miracle

Huddled down there
in the dark
desperately trying to breathe
Is this really how I want to live?

I’m ok
I’m ok
I just have to get a grip on
my anxieties and
put them away in the box
and tape it shut.

Would that help?

One thought on “Secret–1pm

  1. This private conversation/struggle/battle captured me and my heart poured out with compassionate empathy for the subject. Praying that they find the strength to not close up and reach out for others to help.

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