I’m happiest in the unknown, though I would argue

that I need to know everything. In the unknown there

are delicious surprises—like the faces looking back at

me last night as I attempted to sleep. I heard that up

to six months prior to one’s death, visions may come

of long lost loved ones.  So, you can imagine what

I was thinking last night when those faces floated

past. Is this the end? And my next thought…what about

all my stuff? No one should have to clean out drawers

and cupboards…my eclectic collection of junk so vast.

My mother-in-law spent the last ten years of her life

cleaning out her stuff. She said to me each phone call,

“Well, Nancy, I’m going through my things every day

so you won’t have too after I die. .I just got rid of my baby

bracelet.  Who would want it?” I said, “I would.”  Too late

now. It’s in the window of some pawn shop or an antique

store on Main Street.  We, or at least my family, valued

old things: pewter, silver, crockery, jewels, and furs.

I have a crystal bowl from my aunt, a cheese crock

from the auction, a tiny wishbone pendant from my

great-grandmother, a pocket watch from my biological

father. These things are precious…then there’s the paper

shredder from the neighbor’s move, a mint green bandana,

and a sweater and tennis shoes stuffed in a sack in the

trunk of my care for when I head to the Goodwill…or what

my daughter used to call—Good William.  Not precious

and not my point here. My point—I want to be comfortable

with the unknown. One never knows when I’ll meet those

faces..