Self Portrait (Reflecting)
By: LuvMiFreely
(Poem 19)
34 years of self discovery
Only to discover I’m still learning about me
I’m no walk in the park
I’ve been through situations where most would have folded
Pieces of my life that I wish I could omit
But I have to admit
I’m a fighter
A survivor
Fatherless due to his drug addiction
No father/daughter dances
No answers for any of my questions
He died before I could ask them
Half of me is missing
And I’m still trying to make sense of it
Abused at an early age
I would blame myself everyday
For mistakes clearly not my fault
But I embodied the pain
Somehow telling myself I deserved it
I hid behind my smile
Sometimes I still do
It’s easier to say I’m fine
Than to explain my shattered life
And expect people to actually understand it
I’m trying to undo the years of damage
Healing from apologies not given
Learning to tell myself when people walk away
Not to blame myself and forgive them
Learning that no one can love me quite like I can
And that I deserve to be loved without suffering
Reversing the negative energy placed on me
So forgive me if you find me a bit complicating
But in order to get to know me
You have to understand at times I’m jaded
I have a good heart
Just trying to get back my glow that was taken
We have a lot of similarities. I love the succinct last line. Brilliant word picture of a life healing from others’ bad choices. You are good enough! “Learning that no one can love me quite like I can.” A hard lesson for me to internalize. Blessings! Thank you!