Hi

It has been a while
Cliché but it’s all I have
forty years is a long time
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know why I’m writing
I don’t know why you care
I know you want to know why
I know you want to know how
I know you want something
I know I can never give you
I know that must disappoint you
I know I disappointed you then
I don’t know why I would think
I don’t know why you would think
this would be any different than
when I left – no, not left – went
away, went back home, went to
where you weren’t and I could be
away from you and away from us
away from the places, memories
away from the pain I inflicted on
myself for walking away from you,
us, then, the future, the past that
I couldn’t deal with that had you
not understanding my story and
yes, we were young and we were…
yes, we were.

You needed time that
I couldn’t give because I wanted what
I couldn’t find from anyone but you
I couldn’t bear you telling me goodbye
I couldn’t have that guilt so I opted for
Goodbye

Goodbye again
I opened this email account to
write this email and once I send it
I will delete
this account and never look back like
I did back then only this time I know
I did the best I could and
you did the best you could and
we were just kids but oh man
what would we have done…

…if I hadn’t not said goodbye and
if you hadn’t not heard it…
And I know closure doesn’t mean
anything that people think it means
but I just wanted you to know.

In closing, let me just say that yeah,
love was a part of it all.
Had to be.
Or I wouldn’t be writing you today.

Love,
Me

– Mark L. Lucker
© 2022
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