24 Poems ~ 24 Hours
Mommy’s Cooking Soup
Better Than Bouillon boils in the pot, waiting
for Mommy to stir. She twists the spoon in her hand,
grazing scraped metal, watching for the water
to pop!, for the vegetables to rise and fall, waves
raging against the sea, reaching for the sky.
I don’t tell her I hate the sound of the spoon
crawling across the pot, metal on metal,
sloshing the contents until they gurgle.
I smile and nod, watch her stir, hover
over the heat like it’s her purpose in life.
Dear Daddy ~
At 6, I howled when you took a hammer to my bed.
I couldn’t know that we were moving, despite what you said.
Mommy tried to intervene, but all I knew was broke.
You tried to comfort me, I’m sure, your shirt front soaked
with tears. Forgive you? I could not, not at 6 years old.
But I could forget, and that I did. Although the story told
of differences in what we saw, and what we did about it.
Each move to each new base, each house slightly more crowded.
New babies grew, old friends withdrew. We had another home.
I howled again. My broken heart hated how distance loomed
across the ocean, far away. Would all my family die?
Would Grandma & Aunt Bonnie live? YOU made me say goodbye.
I wish that I could tell you, now, I too have moved away ~
from bitter words and accusations, from all age has allayed.
I wish that we could talk once more, and you would share your stories.
And I would put my hand in yours, and we would be at ease.
And you would laugh that laugh we share, and share where we have roamed.
Knowing now that where we are, together, is our home.
The problem I see is it’s all about me
The lens of my vision is cloudy
Where reality lies in the ads that we buy
Fill the bandwidth between my two ears
While the earth tumbles on
We debate like a pawn in the field of destruction.
As above, so below
Witnessing the love
How to move beyond Fear, with its limits so clear
To a place where my heart will expand
Melting trauma and loss
Like the fan on defrost
Compassion for self, then for others
Educating my soul
Using faith as a goal
To beyond where the sky has no end
As above, so below
Witnessing the love
Too much ego will limit
My growth as I spin it
Concentric and dialed to need
Move beyond self defenses
To the realm of acceptance
Is a path I envision and dream
As above, so below
Witnessing the love
I Am I. The evenings and the mornings, Sunday - the first day, Bikkurim. I am the first fruits, singleness, Priestess...Israel. Africa rooted, the riches of glory... Suffering suited in darkness. I tell my story, I am black in light skin... hope roped in chains of melanin - the Master Cylinder of a rejected, unprotected past. I am present, past, forever undisturbed composition and positioned among the diluted mixture of whose child I am. I am sweet, alagae syrup, Black, white, red, brown planted on fallow ground, America I am... broken and outspoken, living a token life of misnomers. I know who I am... Ann, Hanna, Anani, Ada, Sadie...Beulah in a strange land, Brenda - Queen - blood from the Motherland Bright and shining star, Seventh...perfect and entire, wanting nothing but who I am.
Airing the Husband
My mother aired her laundry.
I air my husband.
He sits in the dark,
grumbles, gets
dank and musty.
Face transforms into
old bark and burls.
Lichen-covered, moss
begins to grow
on his north side.
He schleps up the stairs.
Watches the news,
yells at TV people.
At times, he and the lawn mower
disappear to make noise,
cut things down.
He comes home
tired and dusty.
I lead him out the door
into the light,
into the car.
Short trips to see
the sky, other distant people.
Warm breezes blow
through the mildewed mood.
The lines smooth,
crust slowly disappears,
voice mellows.
For a while,
he smells like sunshine.
i know what’s coming
cats don’t live longer than people
i remember the pain
the ineffable grief
don’t want to get out of bed don’t want to go to school
how could i
when the best cat the world ever had was dead
i wish i wasn’t there when the vet put her down
she was scared
i wonder as i pet sleek black fur
and rub a spotted tabby tummy
if this is worth it
is the joy they give me now
greater than what will come
what still hurts
maybe it is not a matter of worth
of choice
but of necessity
maybe i need these furry companions
to love unconditionally
to break my heart
someday
maybe not
i think they might be worth it
like drowning the light holding
you won’t hurt after you’ve given up
the tentacle float of your body buoyant
as moon-air after you surrender
you wont be alone anymore don’t worry
sarah alone is earth as grass is earth is just a blink
then poof do not worry your body forgives
you can you feel weight lessen
by leagues can you hear
the switch are you listening for it
sarah the saddest part of your body is where
you do not love it are you lost
in thought child the trees have growth
rings too
the shame does not belong wedged
in between iris and pupil shine and star
does not belong to any part of you
same as to no part of the sky sarah home is where you find
your integrity don’t be afraid
of home the most beautiful thing about your body is who it is loyal to
DEAR MAMA DEBBIE
I borrowed a towel from my buddy Alyssa, but
oddly enough it doesn’t smell like her. Somehow
when I dry my face and inhale deep, I’m in your kitchen
with your bright smile so huge I’m worried you’ll tip over
you’re so thin, and walking is difficult but you never stop smiling
somehow hauling that grin around doesn’t take you any extra effort
Even then how grateful I was to know you, faintly aware
that someday you’d be gone and I’d be remembering
your smell or your smile or the screen door swinging open
welcoming me into to my best friend’s home
like it’s my home
like she’s really my sister, like I’m really your daughter
like we’re sitting here remembering my father together
We laugh and cry together like I’m doing now
so grateful, so grateful, for every little moment
like how you loved the tuna sandwich from Panera
like how we sat and talked for hours and as we did
I remembered who I was when I was young and didn’t realize
how lucky I was with a whole extra set of parents who loved me too
So I’ll never be on another casino floor without thinking about the selfie
we took when we went out in the snowstorm and had a blast
snapped a neon-lit pic and sent it off to your daughter who asked me
if I was being a bad influence on her mother and we just roared
and I’ll never play Jenga without wishing there was alcohol involved
and I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you, and I know
neither time nor space nor death can keep your love from us.
soft, curly warmth
belly up on my bed
snuggly nose pressing into
my arm… waiting for a rub…meow…
I tried to see you, the way I want to
I want to feel you, the way you want to
I have stories to tell you
Oh you already knew them
You read my mind
I can’t have secrets with you
I can’t even hold them
I don’t know if a relationship is possible
But based on your expertise
Who wouldn’t want one with you
I wish I could really know you
I wish I could stand with you
In All bitterness and sweetness
In all pain and joy
In all success and failures
I wish I could know you deeply
Talking all nights till the daybreak
I wish sleep won’t come when you tell me these deep things
It’s obvious you know me more
I wish I could be with you
I want to know if I’m important
You know you are to me
Should I keep wishing
Or will you show your self?