24 Poems ~ 24 Hours
I see you approaching
From faraway
Your chest broad
Your pace slow
Your twinkling eyes
When they saw mine
Like the first time
We kissed
I long for you
To hug me
Boy! Do You comfort me
In your arms
The warmth of your breath
The touch of your lips
And your fingers through my hair
Oh, it’s paradise
Unexpected
Terror fills me
As I think of the shame
How do I even explain?
I hardly understand it myself
The time comes
It’s painful
But to my surprise
Ends quickly
The result of my labor
Rushed away
Time ticks on
Friends and family visit
I haven’t told them and yet
There is something in their eyes
A secret of their own
It’s been too long
They tell me everything is fine
But I know it’s not
Where is she?
I have to see her
I have to hold her
No one will talk to me
They act like nothing is happening
But their faces betray them
I prepare to interrogate them
Jolting awake
A moment, and then clarity
Just a dream
Yet there is an aching in my chest
A longing for her
She who is nothing more
Than a hope and a dream
A storm that almost came, false promises of wind and rain
turns south, leaves the path set out
To rend someone else
I don’t dare ask for it, I won’t dare speak
I don’t dare hunger, but I do, sight unseen
I watch it
I watch it
I watch it
Crest the horizon
I watch it
I will it
I want it
More now it’s gone
Winter blooms in crystalline clouds
like mold on wasted bread
And here am I
breathing shallow gales of ice
which freeze my lungs in place
And here am I, alone
Spring comes on, that lying harlot
like paint on rotted wood
And here am I
choking on her putrid perfume
which closes up my throat
And here am I, again
Summer festers, moist and burning
like sepsis in some fevered flesh
And here am I
suffering with dizzy sickness
which robs my mind of sense
And here am I, afraid
Autumn pools like clotted blood
a wound of changing colours
And here am I
stagnant, stale, and scabbing over
sealing shut my lips
And here am I, again, again
Alone, afraid, again
If only just one other hears
the purpose, the dreams, even fears
Innermost thoughts to share they yearn
for light of day, this breath does burn
Longing grows desperate through years
seeks a kindred who then appears
Someone to get us, to discern,
for light of day, this breath does burn
If I could tell you
everything I long for
I would be wiped clean, barely a skeleton
because my body, my mass of muscle and tissue and particle
is sick with yearning
a disease long untreated.
But it is the cure that scares me
all of that exposed flesh, free but wholly undisciplined
and without order
My disease protects me
covers my ears so I can’t hear the screaming
of my subjugated heart.
I heard you say, “God does not give us more than we can handle.”
But God did not give me this bruise,
this scar
this memory,
this burden,
this cage
These are not gifts from God.
Do not tell me to have faith.
I am being burned out,
Slowly and deliberately,
But it seems faith was the first to catch fire.
Silence is golden
only when spoken
With our hands intertwined
And your lips pressed against mine
But you no longer speak
And I no longer feel you breathe
This calm you protrude has me at unease
You are dark and mute as a grave
Cold and callous as a stone bed
This solemn silence is not ever what we craved
Once at your feet, the grass is now above your head
And this bitter suffering solace
Is because of Death
Like a thief in the night
It has stolen your glances
It has ripped your arms away from mine
Stolen your soul, left you cold and danced its dance upon our chances
This murderous divine will
Incapable of any accord
Had a mission to fulfill
And left me in an inconsolable forlorn
To feel your light brighten my life, once more
Wet streets reflect lights
Car windshields change expression
You dodge urban moats
In the UK we're just celebrating the 50th anniversary of gay relationships not being illegal:
‘Britain marked the 50th anniversary Thursday of the first move to recognize gay rights by acknowledging that society was wrong to treat same-sex couples as criminals.’
I myself am not homosexual, but I have a lot of time for LGBTQI rights, so for this hour I'm using a scene in a movie called Stonewall, released in 1995, directed by Nigel Finch. It tells the story of the gay riots in New York City, from the perspective of the drag queens at the Stonewall Inn. In one scene characters Matty Dean (Frederick Weller) and Ethan (Duane Boutte) go to a beach where males are allowed to sunbathe together and, at night, they are allowed to dance together, but only after a token female has started to dance. The invigilator berates one couple for dancing cheek to cheek, saying, “It's not like that [hands palms facing each other], it's like this [palms side by side, facing the same way]”
The title is another Leonard Cohen song, Dance Me To The End of Love. The last line is from Stonewall, where drag queen La Miranda (Guillermo Diaz) ends the film by saying of drag queens, “We're as American as apple pie.” I visited NYC just after finishing my chemistry degree, and while there saw a Stonewall exhibition, which made quite a big impression on me, since we'd never been taught such stuff in school. When the film was released and shown on British BBC2 the following year, I was delighted by it :)
Here we can dance,
slowly
under a swaying spotlight,
momentarily red
beckoning all.
Jitterbug me under the the glitterball
let the cascading white light
play across your face,
its 11pm stubble
beginning to peek through.
Waltz me round the dancefloor
cheek to cheek,
illlumineted blue
our love,
deep as the Danube,
American as apple pie.