I care nothing about anyone to beg
I’ve done that before
drunken
ashamed
begging why not me?
Haven’t I proven myself to be worthy?
In your eyes
as if my own didn’t matter
My sight thrived on how I lived in others minds
maybe I can prove my love
when in fact it was never doubted
I was always invisible
alone in relationships
complimented just enough
to be brave
knowing it didn’t mean that I wasn’t afraid
it just meant
I am here
for now
I am no longer
even present for myself
still unraveling
in doing for my kids
can’t even say I’m caring for them
because Im struggling
through my own mind
still not begging
just moving
I’m okay with being lonely
I find comfort in invisible
sometimes that is what I prefer
This poem starts with strong emotions of helplessness and desperation. Then it shifts beautifully to resignation and acceptance. I think you describe the sacrifice in parenthood well in your imagery, “I am no longer even present for myself still unraveling in doing for my kids.” Your description symbolizes the death to self so often found when we must put our childrens’ wants and needs before our own.
One thought: In line 9, grammatically, it should be “others’ minds.”