Hour 14

**That Girl**

Do you see that girl?
Well, you know what she does every night?
She bawls her eyes out & cuddles with her stuffed animals because its the only thing she has of her family.
Your probably thinking is her family dead.
They’re not they just live away from her.
Well, when she gets up in the morning she puts on her smile like its her makeup.
She has a bad day just about everyday.
That’s why she goes home every night & practically cries herself to sleep.
She gets her hopes up saying the next day is going to be better & different.
She gets home & gets proven wrong.
She feels these things no teenage girl should.
She second guesses herself all the time.
When she gets a lot of attention in one day she thinks someone set her up.
She believed that cutting was the answer.
Well, now she is going to just cry.
She loves her life & knows not to end it for another.
She wants to be something in life so she knows she can’t do that if she’s dead.
She knows that people care but what she really wants to know why people have to be so mean.
She wants to know if you will be there when she needs you the most.
She wants to know if you really care.
If you really like her.
She wants to know why she has very few friends.
She thinks she knows why she has very few friends because people don’t try to get to know her, judge her on her looks, her loudness.
Well, you know what her loudness is speaking louder than ever right now she wants to fit in she wants people to stop judging her on her looks & loudness.
But people won’t ever stop judging other people because of what the cover looks like.
Everyday she has a bad day she thinks that the only thing she can do is cut.
Her blade is on her bedside table.
Everyday gets close to the ones who actually care her heart sinks, she pulls down the sleeves, she keeps it to herself she doesn’t want to hurt the ones she loves.
Once again she starts to cut because people have to be so mean.
Each one of those cuts has their own story.
Don’t say you love her if you don’t because she already has trust issues.
You have no idea what she’s been through.
She hopes the ones that care will sweep her off of her feet & save her.
She wants them to tell her “I know your not okay I understand if I was going through I would do the same keep everything to myself, cry myself to sleep, maybe cut myself.”
She wonders do they actually see me dying on the inside?
She just wonders.
She wants to be accepted for her personality, & heart.
Not her looks, the scars, or her loudness.
She just wants to be accepted.
She just wants to stop soaking her pillow every night.
But she won’t be able to while people are being so mean.
Get to know a person before you judge them?
No one gets that saying.
Don’t judge a book by its cover.
No one gets that one either.
Because if they did she would fit in perfectly fine.
She just wants to be accepted for her true self.
But for now she will stick with the friends who have been by her through all the bull crap.
The ones who really cares & has cared all along.
She will still have those trust issues even after people start to accept her.
She will still second guess herself.
She has trouble letting people in you know?
You don’t know this either.
She has always had trouble with this because everyone who said “I love you” she believed them & they all left.
Just one time she wants to know after you say those three little words you will stay.
Everyone uses those words so easy these days.
She thinks that other people think those words are as natural as peeing.
She wants that one person to prove her wrong.
She just wants that one person to come to her & say I draw just like you do.
We draw the same pictures on our arms.
We cry at the same story.
I want to help you because I know if we have each other we can help each other.
They will be the best of friends.
But for now she’s just waiting for that one person.
For now she will deal with the pain.
She will draw the same picture on her arm every time all the bull crap builds up.
But for now she will cry at the same story she rereads everyday of her life.

~April Sue Kraniak~

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