Casting spells at your altar
Calling for me to become untimely real
The loving ‘thing’ you never had
and despite all here I came.
A shot came through of purest love,
That love not felt by us for years
Commanded to me by some inner calling
Encouraged and beckoned
On I float and come so close nearby.
Then come I come and whats all about,
but where I arrive no welcome’s near.
A fortress avoidant and walls most bleak.
Why call on me now for this?
While every intimacy an invasion seems,
Eros spread so thin so no where sticks.
In destructive rampage I reach out.
I meet every snare and trap you laid
Wounded and cut I stagger through
No drawbridge lowers and no moat abates
Yet on I wander through and through.
How dare I care, how dare I exist
Every step I make is a terrible wrong.
Boundaries drawn and redrawn to keep me out.
I falter and I stutter so confused of whats about.
If finally you kill me off
then know you must no more may come,
chances so precious we must all change,
as prayers are only answered from above.
When one stares so deep into mortar stone
then blinkered forgets the world beyond.
Taking comfort in the harshest materials,
as harsh breeds harsh and constructs this here.
I glimpse behind this place with momentary wonder,
As did you when kneel you did and made your incantations.
You sorcerer’s apprentice cast so well
and water comes and water comes
no wall you make can keep it out.
I trip and knock defences here and there,
show the hollow insides of idols near,
divesting of what we truly don’t need.
If such spells could cast us dearly so,
then maybe it was this same current called on
which now comes to push these barriers away.
Cling not to stone or wood or clay,
Wealth abounds wherein we pray.
What a curse to finally get what you invoke,
Accusing the universe for the horror it provoke.
I really never meant no harm,
but felt this call with perfect calm.
This confusing and confounding tear,
glace up our stars have crossed so near.
Yet come as asked and shunned with fear,
How could this magic have brought me here?
Why do you wish for the last thing you can handle,
I am not a golem made for you my dearest.
I cry myself to sleep and say,
here I am my promised love please stay.
My life goes on without unlimited scope,
my will was aligned to meet your plight,
I trained my whole life long time
conditioned by all I felt and knew
to manage to still survive,
to come now and know you.
When amputate me you did,
I have nothing but faith to hold me here,
yet I know you threw your purest wish for us.
I see inside that far tower there,
where waits a prisoner bound by herself,
walled in and chained up so tight,
needing the merest gift of light.
I wait outside these mighty walls,
with arrows thrown and rocks down too,
with calmness and sure footing of place.
Surviving for that one promised day,
when exhausted ramparts will fall down,
and our children openly spring forth,
and then I know my heart does say
that we may live forever more.