The Poetry Marathon

Day 419 ~

My dearest Mandy,

 

Here we are once again.  Differently, yet still the same.

Words written through out today, only touch the guilt felt shame.

Never mind, the fucking pain!

 

Denying truths through unwritten spaces.

Putting yourself through the paces. Relearning to purge upon the page.

Making space by challenging your inner demons.

Embrace it all with your words and phrases.

 

Dig deeper girl ~ FEEL it all.

Observe, don’t absorb.  Accept, don’t push it away.

Surrounded, within the protective crystal orb. Knowing this path is not the easiest to take.

Recovery and Self at stake.

What are you willing to be

to ask

to change.

 

Love Always,

Me

 

Amanda Potter©: 2019 Poetry Marathon

Dear Former Self

Dear Former Self

The persona you had then was unique

You looked different every day, every week and every moment

The black eyes of yours drilled inside those you saw

The quirky smile was infectious

And your voice filled with confidence

Where are the shoes that carried you with élan?

Where is the song that asked for tender love?

Where is the air around you that gave flight to freedom?

The lost soul today raises its head

Do you have any answers?

 

Hour 11

@varenyas

Dear Little Vicki

You are worthy.

You always have been.

You always will be.

Believe in yourself

And the blessings that come.

They are not accidents.

They do not need to be questioned.

You will one day be loved.

Don’t second guess it,

Don’t test it just to see.

Accept it as true.

Do not look for validation in all you do.

You think that you need it,

But you don’t.

You are beautiful the way you are.

Please don’t let the pain you’ve known

Guide who you become.

Pain only brings pain, and

You’ll throw the beauty away.

And please remember, above all else

I see you,

I know you,

I love you.

Prompt #11 Letter To My Former Self

Dear 20 year old Janice, 

Not much has changed huh?
Insecurities still going strong.



This letter is going to be a mix of everything, 
regrets, advice, hopes and aspirations..



I hope you remember to smile often, 
And practice Kindness..
Be kind to yourself as well as towards others.
You are doing a good job. 
You are such a strong and brave young woman. 
You inspire me. 
I haven't been as strong as I was when I was 20. 
Fighting for your life, 
Hanging onto a very thin thread, 
and the unpredictability of your health condition.
You handled it gracefully and the best you could.


Sure you missed out on a great deal 
of normal things kids at 20 do, but, 
that's okay. Looking back I recall it 
being an adventure of a lifetime. 

I wish you could have appreciated 
your parents and acknowledged 
the sacrifices mum pulled in for you. 
Dad worked tirelessly to pay 
the surmounting hospital bills and 
Wendy grew up without any assistance.

Have a little patience, 
It's okay to fail,
Love yourself.
Believe in yourself. 
Stay true to yourself. 


The future is bright 
and all of this will be 
over you, just be patient, 
Hang on,
the struggle isn't over,
There's more struggle coming along...
you still got fight left in you
give it your best shot. 
 

Don't worry, 
Let go, 
You don't need to be in control of every situation. 

Not everyone is going to agree with you and like you
but that's okay.
Not everyone is going to understand you, 
that's fine. 
Don't sell yourself short
Never ever compromise on your self worth.
Remember some people are assholes 
there's not much you can do about that.

Love from the future.

-Janice Raquela Mendonca  

Restoration

Restoration is a misnomer
Can one really bring back the past?
Yes, re-introduced wolves can change the rivers
but is it a recovery or a healing or a new configuration

We like to restore stuff.
Reconstructing an old rotting mess
is an act of defiance,
like giving the finger to the universe

The universe has all the time in the world
and knows in the end
the building up and tearing down
of the life cycle will win out.

Letter to Baby Doc

You’re gonna screw up no matter how carefully you tread
But here’s a couple pointers to help you get ahead
 
It’s a drag to move out west, but it works fine so stay the course
It’s a waste to buy insurance, you’re as healthy as a horse
 
Pats beat the Seahawks in ’14, so take that bet
Don’t drop out of college till you’re 20 grand in debt
 
Marry your first girlfriend, she’s better than she seems
Don’t sell your bitcoin until March 2018
 
Start buying gin, it’ll save you money over beer
And remember, the best decision I ever made was trying to turn writing into a career
 
 
 

good luck dude, I got your back

@Holly15

Dear Holly (To Him),

Dear Holly (To Holly@15),

I thought you were so cute

You thought he was so cute

Standing there in your Levis 501s

Standing there in his Levis 501s

Your brown eyes melted inside me

His brown eyes melted inside you

Then you gave me your Golden Gloves jacket

Then he gave you his Golden Gloves jacket

And I knew I loved you.

And you thought you loved him.

My mom didn’t like you—

My mom didn’t like him—

With good reason; he was kind of a jerk.

Which made me love you even more

Which made you lust after him even more

I imagined our future together

You imagined your future together

But not in a realistic way

People need jobs, cars, and money

Then you found someone new

Then he found someone new;

Thank God he did!

You should see his profile picture on Facebook.

He has not aged well.

And asked for your Golden Gloves jacket back.

And he asked for his Golden Gloves jacket back.

Don’t give it back. You deserve something from him.

You broke my heart

He broke your heart.

And walked away.

And walked away.

You still looked fine in those Levis.

He’s probably still wearing that same pair of Levis.

To Dee Dee (my younger self)

You, the bookworm,
You, the nature lover, You, the animal mom.
You, the sensitive,
You, the shy kid, You, the fearful one.
You, writing in your journal
You, playing in the woods
You, singing your songs…
I hear you —
I care about you —
I love you —
And you are perfect, Dee Dee,
just the way you are
and just the way
you will always be.

Love,
Diane

Dear Former Self

Dear Former Self
Its been a long time since we spoke
But now the time has come to work on letting go
I been working to get us past the past
To release judgments and anger and collected hurts
the broken promises from self and others
I will make sure you are safe and protected
I will show compassion when you are feeling neglected
I will open you up, bring light to your wounds
that have festered and been infected
The time has come to heal
We have to stop bottling up and allow us to feel
No more fake smiles to hide pain
Your journey to healing will not be in vain
We will get through this former self, I know
It time for us to release all that hinders us and grow

11. To 18 Year Old Me: Her Name is Joanie

You’re gonna see some shit
Do some things not worth remembering, but you will
Trust me, though.
It’ll be worth it

You you’ll meet her
(No not her; pay attention)
After some trying times and nearly lethal moments
You’ll wish for death and hope for relief
And you’ll find it, but not when you should
You’ll meet her
(No, not her either; focus)
At the moment you think it can never get better
But it will
She’ll make sure of it.
(No, not her; she breaks you like the others)
Ask her name first, though.
It’ll be better than what you did say
Trust me, it’s not worth repeating
Just remember, she’s hurting, too.
(Yes, her.)
You can’t be like you were with the others
You have to really work at this, cause she’s you
(Yes, her. I’m sure)
You have to show her you’re worthy
You have to let go of your fears
Because she’s afraid, too.
She’ll demand from you, what the others never understood
Cause they never really cared to consider you.
She will.
She does.
Every day.

I have to tell you, though.
There will be pain
And it will hurt
There will be blood
There will be words, you’ll regret and will shoulder for years to come
Just remember, her name is Joanie.