The Poetry Marathon

The time is once again
upon us- The anticipation
is high like always
I’ve made my preparations

I’ve prayed to God for strength
and stamina- I write to please him
no one else- And it takes alot out
of me

I’ve gone to the store
and bought groceries both
good and bad-
I have a sweet tooth
and sometimes it helps

It’s cloudy and rainy outside
Threatening a storm or two
Perfect weather for a night such
as this

I have told everyone not
to bother me- They know my writing
is important to me-whether they
appreciate it or not

I can see that like always
the time is growing short
the rest of my preparations
are necessary-

Extra paper
Pens and pencils
lots of cocoa
tea
headphones
and music
A change or two of scenery
and above all-

Patience.
Throw in some sleep deprivation
for good measure

The words won’t come
too quickly
and that’s ok,
but if they do-
I must be ready to catch them.

Sometimes the words
don’t want to listen and come
far too quickly for me to catch them
all

The only demands on my time
today, is that I pay attention to
the clock at times

My recipe for the poetry marathon

Hey! Thanks for meeting me
I know that you only have
a few moments before she calls
asking where you are-

I have something to tell you
and I really don’t know just
how to say it without hurting or
upsetting you.

I’ve tried to hide it
and deny it
tell myself that you
belong to someone else

I’m in love with you
I know that comes as
a shock to you but I can’t help it
I’m in love with you

My cards are all out
for everyone to see
there’s nothing that
I can do to hide from you

I know that it can’t go
anywhere at all
you’re married and
you’ve told me that
you want to leave her
but the fact is

You keep putting it off
and even though I love you
I can’t keep waiting for you
it’s something that keeps
having “soon” attached

sshh- It’s ok
I understand that we were
playing with a potential fire
and I know that if I say anymore
others will find out

What are you so afraid of
I know you aren’t going to
leave her and I know that you
were only fucking with my emotions
That’s ok- I was a distraction

But now? I’m no longer your distraction
It’s because I love you so much
that I can let you go now
I just had to see you one last time
To make you see that you don’t have to
feely guilty.

Goodbye my love

Sitting around
trying to relax
thinking nothing’s
going to hurt me
But then a small seed
of panic

No reason to panic
I know everyone
that’s in the room
They won’t hurt me
aren’t going to take
advantage of me
I’m safe

Sometimes it’s a little
hard knowing everyone
and yet not letting them in
Let them see
the panic
the fear
the real me

I need to get out
of here
of the area
away from everyone

don’t let them see it
smell it
hear it
it’s so strong
that you could taste it

Everyone’s smells are
starting to get to me
starting to panic me
to the point that I
can’t breathe
anymore

Need to get outta here
the panic is getting
stronger
like everyone can sense
it and are creeping closer

I’m begging silently
please
please
please
Get away from me
Don’t come any closer
They aren’t listening

No one’s listening
like they can’t hear
me
like they don’t
even care
how I feel

Take a deep breath
Another
Feeling so lightheaded
I feel so ill
like I’m about to throw up

panic
it won’t stop
It gets stronger
it’s winning again
For another day

Sliding down to the floor
where no one can see me
Outta sight, outta mind
maybe it’ll be easier

not helping much
but some at least
a little easier to breathe
at least

You had me so fooled
for all those years.
Thinking everything was my
fault.
You were so good at that

No one else had to take
responsibility for their actions.
I was the only person at fault
in the whole world. I had to take
the responsibility for their actions.

You are the Master of deceit.
The biggest trickster there is
Yet you come in such a pretty
package and dangle the pretty things
in our faces to hook us.

No more. I won’t allow it.
Every single time that I say
no, it angers you. It starts
to cripple you.

You can’t touch me anymore
Because I have a weapon that
you don’t have access to.
The Armor of God.

Hello again God-
I’m sorry that I haven’t
talked to you much recently
Been thinking that I could handle
things on my own again.

I’m coming to you tonight God
Because I’m disturbed at the
recent turn of events in this nation.
In this world, everywhere you look
Someone’s upset with someone or
something else.

We have countries going after each
other because of differences in religion
in political views, and in the color of skin
Why can’t they just stop and look at what
they are doing to each other.

We have people hating each other
because it’s easier to hate than it
is for them to simply love another person
Why? Didn’t anyone ever teach them to love?

We have people going into schools
Shooting them up, killing people who were
simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
How was it their fault that someone was angry?
What did each individual person do to that one
angry person?

We have people playing the blame game.
Saying that it was someone else’s fault
that something happened. Why? Didn’t anyone
ever tell them to take responsibility for their own
actions?

God? I don’t know how much longer I can
personally continue to keep holding on,
when everywhere you look, there’s hate,
( I don’t like you for some reason)
blame, (This is YOUR fault, not mine)
anger, (You’ve made me so angry)
bitterness.

Why can’t you come home sooner?
Show people that they need to love
other people instead of hating someone
they don’t even know.
God, we could really use you.

I have all these questions and I have no
answers to them. We need divine intervention
We need you to come down to earth
and knock sense into us all

We get so caught up in all of the stuff that
happens, and we have all the excuses as
to why things happen the way they do.
but no one acknowledges your plan
for our lives.

You aren’t in schools anymore.
They took you out.
It offends people who weren’t brought
up in church.
Well Gee- Maybe if we had more kids
brought up in church- the world might be
a little different.

In the courthouse, your presence is denied
except for people swearing on your book
to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing
BUT the truth.
How can people tell the truth when most
times they don’t know WHAT the truth is
anymore?

In politcs you aren’t around
except for when people take your name in vain
because they want to make their point known.
Maybe if they stop taking your name-
People will listen.

You aren’t allowed anywhere anymore
because its always violating someone’s beliefs
someone’s insecurities. Their rights.
why? What are people afraid of?

You wanna know something God?
The biggest issue that I have with
all of the other religions?
You are the same God in EVERY religion
But no one can see it, you have over a 100 different
names-
No one cares.
Their God is better than my god.
No one GETS IT that
they are one and the same.

It’s dark out-
I’ve always been a fan
of the dark-
you see things a little
more clearly
You see people for who they are
Passion can overtake you
more explicitly in the dark

ssshh
no- I don’t want the lights on
it sets the mood
yes I know
the waiting is
getting difficult

It looks like it’s going to
storm violently tonight
thundering and lightning
turns me on
makes me want you more
and more

a little wine
a kiss
your hand on my hip
perhaps a dance
we have all night

Let’s not rush this
Come let us eat together
I’m not ready just this moment

I’ve left God on hold
for far too long-
started to pray-
only to tell him
that I’d be right back
and never came back

I wonder why it is-
he sticks around.
It’s not like I make him
a priority-
Except for the obvious

when things go wrong
when I need prayer
When there’s a death
or simply when I feel wronged

Why is that?

anytime I call out
he’s there
anytime that my life is in danger
He’s there
anytime I need something
you guessed it
He’s there

I’m sorry God
I’m a horrible human being
selfish
obnoxious
toxic
unworthy of love and respect
just-
Unworthy

I don’t understand how or why
you love me
how others love me
how they care for me
it annoys and angers me
sometimes

Do you do well to be so angry
my little crab?

what was that?
I swear I hear someone
saying I have no right to
be angry.
But that can’t be true

I’ll pay it no mind
It doesn’t matter
other people’s opinions-
of course, I do well
to be angry
It is my right

I’m just going to leave
it here and see what happens
I have my comfort and my needs
are met.
But something’s lacking

Do you do well to be angry
My little crab?
I’ll ask you once more
Answer me

I have a RIGHT to be angry
I turned my back and she
threw me out on the sidewalk
Who does that?

Every time I left the house
went to a restaurant
or a store
I’d hold their hands

It wasn’t weird
I was little
I liked it
All was right in my world

It gave me reassurance
that I knew where they were
and where I stood in their lives

How was I to know
that someday they
would take the decision
out of my hands
Where are you mom and dad?

Looked down at my hands
and no one’s holding them
what is going on?
Hello?

Mommy? Daddy?
Where are you?
I can’t see you!
and I am so so scared

We’re over here honey
Come find us-
you’re fine

I can hear you
but I don’t see you
I’m starting to cry

Started looking at other
people and well- none
of them match
Wait! There! I saw her

Running, I’ve found her
Grabbing her hand and huffing my
satisfaction that I have indeed found her
Only to have her take her hand away once
more

You don’t always have
to hold my hand
Honey-
I’m not always going to be
around to hold yours or
comfort you.

If I had only known.

Softly darkened room
one lone candle in the center
of the table a scene set for
romance

I didn’t expect to see you here
tonight-
It’s great seeing you
But I’m meeting someone

It’s ok- It’s been awhile since
we’ve last talked to each other
How have you been?
Please sit, you have some time
I’m sure

I’ve been good
I’ve been worse
can’t really complain
How about yourself?

I’m always good hun
There’s been a few that
I thought I loved
far more that I didn’t

I should go- I have to meet someone
But yeah, I can stay for one drink
Scotch, neat
Please

Of course- We aim to please
Waiter!
A beer for me, And the Lady’s drink
put it on my tab

I spent a lot of time thinking
about you and when you left-
Why did you leave?
Wasn’t I good enough for you?

I had to leave
I had to find others that needed me-
You understand of course.

That candle’s glowing
brighter now- Far brighter than I remember
Is that a tear in my eye?
Please; why would I cry for him?

SSShhhh-
It’s ok-
Don’t make this any more difficult
for me or you- this is how it has
to be now.

Is that candle getting further away?
it’s so so pretty-Let me have
a closer look leaning forward

What have you done to me?
I didn’t want this-
you can’t do this-
I’m meeting someone
I have to go
please

It’s ok-
I won’t leave you here
to do this alone-
I’m here-
slow, deep breaths

No, no don’t struggle
that’s not going to help
sshh, that’s it, calm calm

glancing around for the first time
It occurs to me that the entire
place is deserted.
even the waiter that served our drinks
is gone

would you like to lie down?
I can have a bed prepared
for you in a moment.
no, don’t struggle

Why?
That’s all I want to know
is why
just answer me that one question

This was the only way to get your
attention-
I’m sorry love
I truly am

Helplessly I start to cry
I feel you kneeling in front of
me, taking my hand in yours
your hand is so cold

I see you-
I see you for who you really
are-
lost,scared, hurting, broken

you made an admission that
you wanted to die-
I am here to grant that wish
though I don’t agree with it

I don’t want to die-
People say that all the time
they don’t always mean it though
I didn’t mean it!

I can freeze this moment in time
But it won’t change anything
you’re going to die tonight

How could this promising night
turn into something so dark?
How could I have been so easily trapped…

At this table for two?

He doesn’t want much
just people to talk to him
NOT that difficult-
starts with Hi.

People to hear Him
Sweet, sweet Spirit
Pour out your Love
Over me

Pay attention to
what’s going on around
You
From this Mess I’m in-
Save me.

Follow that star-
You know, like you follow
Music, Sports and other
earthly Things.
You know everything about those
What do you know about Him?

Still doesn’t want much
Just the pain from the
Losing your loved ones
slowly

The Joy from the Love
that came through your
open door
The hope for a better tomorrow
and so much more.

The anger at not getting
what you wanted
The guilt over the fights
The sleepless nights
he wants those too.

He wants to know your identity
Who am I>
that you would look at me
here on bended knee
and bow to me
that you would be my servant?

He wants the fear over
not taking a step
over not sharing something
you held back

This is not a relationship where
you fish.
He doesn’t ask that you cast and then
reel it back in

He merely, humbly asks
that you let it go
drop it on the floor
and walk away

He wants everything really
he did not promise it
would be easy
Did not say there
would be no cost
Did not say that he would
leave you

He DID however say:

I’m here
I love you
I died for you
It was worth it