The Poetry Marathon

Work Prep11am

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

Swing my legs over as
I shut up my alarm so sleepy
I want a few more hours
of sleep

Maybe just a few more minutes
Nope!
Gotta get moving

Get up and start to gather
my stuff as fast as I can
It’s 3am-
Time to get up
shower and smell
decent

I don’t really want to shower
but I need to so i don’t stink
people out at work
It’s a must

Out of the shower and
I feel more alive then I did
beforehand
Do I have time for food?

Not really.
Throw the bucket of cereal
in my bag, along with the scrubs
Wait-
THE SCRUBS

Can’t very well show up for work
without my uniform-my boss is lenient
but I don’t want to push my luck
today

It’s 3:45am and I need to hustle
mostly I hate biking this early-
but I want to make sure I’m there
on time, if not early

I like biking early sometimes
because you see things that you
normally don’t when everyone is
rushing around to get to where
they need to be.

Like the fox that just darted
across the road
and the skunk that,
Yes Sir, You can have the whole
road-
Just don’t spray me!

There goes a police car-
I hope he will stay safe- I
should be watching the road
making sure I stay safe.

Up the hill and stop to rest as
I catch my breath. I need to get
more in shape. Either that, or
You know-
get a car

I check the time as I bike up to the door
It’s been a good bike ride, Invigorating
I am now ready to slay my day.

Thank you Jesus for protecting me.

Christmas Time:

As the season approaches
I close my eyes, smiling
as I sip my tea thinking
back to times past

The weather was picture perfect
for December-
Snow covering everything
with a layer of sleepy cotton
but look!
There are some kids sledding
down that steep hill

Stepping into the house
i can smell Dinner in the oven
Turkey and stuffing
Cranberry sauce and pies
cooling on the counter
looks like Ham too.

In my mind, I am drooling over the
images in my head
certain that they are for real
So real that I can taste them

I can hear the laughter
as my brother tells some off color
joke or story that only us family and
close friends would understand and
bond over.

I see the manger scene
center stage on the mantle
right where we can all see baby Jesus
on the bed of hay

Sipping my tea once more
I feel the love in this house
Sometimes I don’t like to spend
time here, preferring to do my own
thing

But here, right now at christmas time,
I move heaven and earth to be here
because this is what it’s all about
Good food
Laughter
Reminiscing
and Love
Most of all.

Dear Pastor;

I know that I’m not
the easiest person
to get to know –
to get close to
I appreciate that you
even try to.

I know that I am not
the best example of how
to live a godly life
I might swear
I might drink
Hell, I might cheat
I am human

I have my dark secrets
that I am far too ashamed
to voice to anyone
so I keep quiet
What would you think
if you knew THAT about me?

You have never turned
me away and you
have never once said
“Sorry, can’t help you”

You have, however, always
cheered me on, listened, and tried
your best to help me.
I’ll let you in on a secret

Sometimes, that’s all that keeps me
alive.
When I don’t know from one breath
to another
if my decisions are going to save me
or kill me.

I know that there have been
a handful of times
where you wonder if anything
you say or do is getting through
and making a dent in that thick
shell of mine.

Yes it does.

There have been so many times
where things you say or do
make me stop and realize that
I’ve got to stop living for man
and start living for God.

Truth is, Pastor, I don’t know
what I would do if I didn’t have people
like you in my life to help steer me along
thank you will always sound insufficient
but it is what I have to offer.

Thank you.

Sometimes I smile
because the monster
in my head is quiet
no one the wiser

But then there are times
where it runs loose and
I smile because the
real me shines through

See?
See the real me yet?
I’m not normal and
I don’t need your pity
your forgiveness
or apologies

I don’t need your
accusations
I don’t need to explain
myself to you
Don’t need your permission

There are times where
that monster escapes
and I am mortified because
the real me shows up
and I can no longer hide

Then I get over myself and
think-
Fuck it-
accept me or don’t

I am so sick of you
thinking I have to be perfect
we both know-
that’s not going to happen

Damnit!
The monster is trying
to get out again
NO!
Stay inside!
These people can’t handle you

My mind is such a mess
insane cesspool
all the boxes tipped and spilled

I’m so ashamed of
the monster
He’s dragged me down
twisted me violently
every which way

The monster wants
to be heard
not silent
lonely lonely
wants a friend
or two

The walls I’ve built
so high are crumbling
down because the
monster wants to be
heard

I can’t let you out
You’ll only hurt the ones
I love
I don’t care if you hurt me-

I hate what you have
made me into-
I am at war with you

I can’t afford even a
moment of relief-
because it will be
the death of me

Sometimes I smile
because the monster is quiet
and asleep
and I appear normal and happy-

And no one is the wiser.

I know what I am
I’m a sinner
I’m not perfect
But I have so
much in the Lord
My Father
~
Hope is the first
thing that I have
When I’m done
with this life
I know where I’m
gonna end
~
Faith the second
sure of what I hope
for Certain of things
not yet seen
I know I’ll get there
when it’s my time
~
Peace the third
not afraid
to speak my mind
say what’s on my heart
and be just fine
~
Grace is the next
Undeserved
yet given
to us freely
We can’t earn it
by works or deeds
We have to accept
him to recieve it
~
Mercy is another
How we got it
I don’t know
We deserve to die
horrible deaths
for the sins we commit
yet the Father
sent his one and only
son to the cross to die
for us all
~
Love is one more
It’s patient and its kind
never late always on time
It is not proud
and keeps no records of wrongs
It’s always there
never fails and never ends
~
Joy is the last
thing on my mind
Inexpressable
at times
just how lucky I am
to be a sinner saved
by the blood of Christ
~
Hard to imagine living any
other way But
I am free and I am forgiven
And that’s just the way I like it.

Autumn Chill
Sweater
brisk
hot tea
pens
paper
raking leaves
gold
red
bonfire
My ideal day

As I sit here, sluggishly
writing to complete my task
at hand-
I find myself thinking
about my bed and sleep

It’s been a long day
but a short, quick one
at the same time
I started off bright eyed
now I can barely keep
my eyes open

moments of clarity
where I can power through
excitedly typing away
others where if I close my eyes
I’m going to pass out

Don’t you taunt me bed
That’s not right
I could have napped earlier
but at the same time-
I didn’t want to run the risk
of missing deadlines.

stop singing your sweet siren
song- I’ll be with you as soon as
possible; I have other things that I
need to take care of before we meet

Wait for me

Just like that-
you were done
fed up with this life
no room for anything else

You must have been depressed
I heard so many people say
to take a gun, end it all
with no chance for turning back

you were so many things:
disturbed
selfish
pathetic
over and over, oh I heard them all

I remember you as I saw you-
unselfish
freely giving
doing without
just so those you cared about
could go further

maybe you were bullied
maybe you liked to drink
or do drugs
I don’t know

People who knew nothing about
you, made judgments
so many judgments
what right did they have?

Just like that
you left
there’s a hold that never fills up
time didn’t make it easier either

Dear therapist–

I wish thank you was an
adequate way to express
my gratitude for you and all
that you have done in my life

you’ve seen me at my best
all of the good and you’ve
seen me at my absolute worst
the really bad stuff
you never judged

Despite the multitude of things
that I’ve said that society says is
taboo for a young woman to do
I blame my upbringing

Therapy is such a four letter word
for some people- not me-
I think everyone could benefit
from some therapy

I know we have to go our
separate ways now- I can
see it now that I can stand on my
own two feet-I no longer need you
to hold my hand.

So thank you therapist
I appreciate you making time
for me to spill my guts to you
about all of my problems and not
saying a word to anyone else

— Your patient

While reading my Bible
the 12 things that stuck out to
me

12 disciples learning
11 disciples honoring
10 plagues
9 Beatitudes
8 lessons learned
7 miracles Jesus performed
6 days of creation
5 loaves of bread
4 Gospels
3 parts of the holy trinity
2 places to go
1 Savior hung upon a tree