The Poetry Marathon

clear
don’t forget the gloves
soak
make sure they’re clean
sling it onto the pile
DON’T DROP IT
dammit! there goes my record
four glasses, two plates
chop chop chop
drop in the oven
don’t forget the mitts
mix mix mix
make sure its hot
serve it up
roll your eyes
put it away
you’re done
cooking and dishes are such hard jobs

written for a friend
TW :: Sexual matters

There’s a place where
I keep all of my secrets
where no one sees them
unless I invite them in

I don’t just trust blindly anymore
It’s taken me a long time
to cultivate the courage
to be able to share any
of my secrets with you

I have a closet where
I keep everything that society
considers naughty where I store
all of the things that
society would frown upon

Like the fact that I like to indulge in
intimate relations with a guy friend
that is probably 15 years younger than
I am.

And the fact that I am human, female
and I look at porn. It doesn’t make me
a bad person-
And I refuse to feel that way

Just someone trying to find their
way through the aftermath of
being considered a sexual object
by older men for most of their
childhood.

In my closet are many things good and bad
so many secrets that I don’t know if I
can ever truly share without being
looked down on

like the fact that I was in a submissive
relationship with a man that controlled me
because sometimes, that was the only way
I could respond

Like the years that I was a whore
because that was the only way that I
could relate to men-
It’s not the only way, and honestly it’s
a trite way to cope.

I have a closet that, I’m not sure anyone
else needs to open it
Might not like what you find in there

Hello there!

Bet you never thought
you would hear from
or see me again.
So sorry to disappoint

I’ve had a lot of time to
think about you in the
years since we last spoke
not all of it bad, yet, not
all of it good either

There was a time when
you were my best friend
always there to listen,
but never to judge
I miss that about you
sometimes

This world is so judgmental
these days
I don’t understand it

Like the time when I was
in my 20’s and I was convinced
that I needed to die because some
guy didn’t like me.

You didn’t let come home with you
instead, I found things to occupy
my time-
you said someday, I could come home
with you. Thank you

There were also the times where I
hated your guts, where you could
have taken me home with you and
I was like NOPE.

what was rude as hell is that you
took my parents instead. I guess it
had to happen sometime

I only have one reason for writing
this letter, dear death.
and that is to tell you

I don’t need you anymore
I have a reason for living even
though my life hasn’t exactly turned
out the way that I planned, and I didn’t
accomplish nearly anything near what
I wanted to as of yet-

Everyday, I am accomplishing more and
more of what I want and what is best for
ME. Even though, I have no idea what it’s
going to look like in the end- It’s mine and
I intend to have it

So I’m sorry friend- You aren’t part of
my life any longer. I will always be
grateful for the lessons but I don’t
need the teacher anymore.

Goodbye.

How did this happen?
One moment I was fine
the next? SPLAT
on the ground
Bike twisted and broken
next to me.

the roads were fine
I didn’t see any ice
if i had- I wouldn’t have ridden my
bike.

Me with blood on my pants
an aching head and a broken
rear end-
at least, it feels like that

So cold, so very cold
I can’t tell if I’m shaking because
of the cold weather, or because of the
fact that I almost died

I can’t get that picture out of my mind
It plays like a home movie in my head
repeatedly telling me-
you could have died
actually you should’ve died

by all things, I shouldn’t be
here right now
it kind of puts things into
perspective ya know?

How I’ve been living my life
what I’ve been doing with it
How I’ve treated other people and
even been treated by them

I didn’t exactly have a
come to Jesus moment,
where Jesus appeared
to carry me home-
Not sure I would have wanted to

But it did scare the hell
out of me enough that I sat there
waiting for the ambulance and got right
with him right then and there

I promised him that I would do better
If he spared me.
He did and now it’s my turn to keep my
promise and do better.

I guess you could say that was my
wake up call

Every once in awhile-
I have so many thoughts
that run through my head
some slow enough to catch
others-
not so much

Why is everyone always busy?
and why does no one seem to have
any down time?
could things be improved if you
just slowed down?
Maybe

Would anyone care?
Probably not
Everyone else walks around
like they got no problems
I’m the one in the back of the
room
melting into the shadows

Hey you, I have a problem
and maybe you could help
maybe not-
could I at least just ask you
wait—

Of course not
Too busy to even pay me any mind
Such is life

People never ask
and they don’t stick around
for details
and if they did ask-
it’s going to take a lot longer than
anyone wants to spare
to listen

If I break down tonight-
I hope you know that at least I tried
to not show my mess to you and I
tried to shield you from the fall out

Can I talk to you?
Not right now, I, have to
go take care of something
oh ok, got it.
you’re busy
Why bother to try and confide in you

I can’t help who and what I am
it’s the way I was made
you don’t see me, you choose not to
and I guess that’s ok.

Maybe someday you’ll want to talk
to me-
maybe that someday-
I won’t be here.

The weather is dark and dreary
The smell of dirt and leaves pungent
to my nose
It’s the perfect night

Hurrying down the deserted road
stretching out before me
dark and desolate
I have somewhere I need to be

SSHHH
what’s that?
I just heard a noise.
It sounded like a moan
maybe it was just a ghost

I hurry faster as I’m sure
I just felt the cold dead hand
of a lifeless skeleton.
Maybe I can put this off until
the daytime

No. It needs to happen tonight
HAS to happen tonight.
If there is any hope of a resolution
It must be tonight

WHOA!

What was that?!
Just a bat, Don’t worry-
It’s not going to eat you
Just continue on your way

I’ve tried to stop several times
But it’s like something hypnotic
is drawing me closer and closer
Taking me somewhere that
I don’t want to go

There’s the gate-
just like I was told-
Not very sturdy, and not protected by
well—

anything really.

As far as cemeteries go
this one is definitely a creepy one
but I have to be here-
i have to see
Make sure
There’s a reason why i’m here

Something’s not right-
this cemetery hasn’t been used
for years and yet-
There’s a freshly dug grave

There’s rustling in the trees
and I fear that there’s something
that’s coming for me. I try to run
but I am rooted to this spot

Welcome my dear-
I was wondering when you
would show up
You’ve kept me waiting

We’ve prepared this place for you
to rest- I think you’re going to like it
here.
After all—you’re not getting out of here
alive.

Live each day
as if it is your last
that’s what they’ve
always told me
I never paid attention

The years slipped by
unmindful of me running
behind grasping the shirt tails
Time won’t you please slow down

I’m in that position again where
this very well could be my last
What am I going to do?

I’ve never given much thought
to how I would spend my last
day
twenty four hours
what can I accomplish?

I wouldn’t sleep in
I’d wake up as soon as
the day started
I’d shower and eat breakfast

Maybe my family would like
to join me and make it a big
affair

I’d love for you to sit next to
me-
How’s school?
How’s your friends?

I know it’s been ages since we
last spoke. I’m so sorry that time
escaped me.

I have many other things to do-
I can’t sit here all day.
But we will see each other again
soon.
I pinky promise!

I think I would take some time
to clean
sounds silly I know-
But I would prefer to not have
anyone need to clean up after

Then—

Maybe I’d go spend some
time with friends
Or maybe I’d just stay home
and relax

I think I’ll write out a bucket list
ten things I wanted to do before—
It’s really hard for me to say

Before I die

No one likes to think about their
own mortality
we’d rather go on and on blindly
surprised when that moment happens

And then end up saying
why no, I didn’t know that at
some point I would die
No one dies—
Do they?

That’s such child like way
of looking at things
Of course childhood is where nothing
bad ever happens and no one ever
says goodbye

Sitting here at the table
startled as my phone rang
was not expecting anyone to
call me this late.
Good thing I wasn’t sleeping

Hello? Who’s this?
I hear the breathing
on the other end of the line
something tells me it’s going to
take a while.

Just great- I was set to go to
bed and snuggle up with my
warm pillow and my nice fluffy
blankets and now this.
Something tells me I need
to stop being so damn helpful.

Hey. I need your help.
you once told me that If I ever
needed to, to call on you and
you would help anyway you
could.

you’re right. I did.
so what’s your trouble
and what do you need?
I’m listening

ok so, there’s this person who
is really irritating me- and I really
think this person would be better
dead- But I’m no murderer.
what do I do?

Well first off- Ask yourself this:
Does the person actually really
deserve to die?
if no, hang up and we will forget
this entire call

But if they DO deserve to die
we shall proceed.
wandering around my kitchen,
making a sandwich while I await
your answer.

Well that’s the thing- I’m not God
and I can’t really make that decision
but let’s say for arguments sake that
yes they do and yes I can make that
decision

then I would say that you need to
make sure there are no witnesses
choose your method of killing
pick your time and place
make sure it can’t be traced back to you
that you don’t have an accomplice
and above all—

DON’T GET CAUGHT.
If you do, you don’t know me
and I don’t know you

I can get you what you need
my prices are very reasonable
my services will cost you $50,000
you in or out?

Dear Crab;

Hey. I want to talk
to you for just a moment
about this- Persona you got
going on.

You started being crabby
because of what you went through
that’s ok-
I get it. I understand

But I want to caution you
some people don’t see it that
way and think you’re being childish
It hurts to hear that, I know

I want you to know that
it’s ok to let your guard down
It’s ok to be warm and fuzzy
I know you’re scared to

I am asking you to lay down your
shell. You do not need it anymore
You’re not the same person you were
when you were 17-
hell you’re not the same person you were
last year

and that’s ok. Life is a tricky thing
It’s all about finding yourself where you
were
are and
want to be

You’re going to be ok
and I can’t wait to see
the beautiful crab without her shell

Image12pm

I have such a
hard time when people
tell me that I’m a great person
that some guy will be lucky
to have me
They don’t see What I see

People can be so cruel
sometimes-
like if you don’t like someone
don’t make fun of them-

I feel like I am
Fat
ugly and worthless
Like seriously- Girl
lay off the sweets

Maybe you should consider a
bag over your head?
Have you thought about that?

I don’t understand how
other people can look at me
and see that i am
Loved
Wonderfully and fearfully made
Beautiful

You are worthy and beautiful
I love that shirt on you
your hair looks like fire
or a radiant sunset

And when people tell me that they
love me?!
No, NO! You can’t love me!
i am unloveable. How can you-?

How can you love me
when i don’t even love myself
sometimes?
Why do you love me?

Sometimes I wonder what
I should say to my younger self
Should I be tough like my parents were
or should I simply say that I understand
things suck sometimes
but you’re still here regardless.