Years
Past hides future plans.
Presents become present.
Standing still would be nice.
Fast forward.
Halt.
Invisible Canvas Haiku
White washed wall waiting
Bleached, beautiful and borrowed
It speaks in blankness
moth
I hear the moth caught in the stickied light trap
Unable to cry out in a way that I can hear
But the frantic beating of fluffed wings buffets my heartstrings just as well
I ache for it, feel sorrow that it suffers
But rejoice as the plug in works just as intended
And now the moth cannot make demons from the shadows
Cannot ambush my peace in the twi-lit kitchen
This creature suffers because I protected my serenity
Do I feel guilty about her pain, or about standing up for my tranquility?
Setting boundaries with words goes nowhere
Using other means feels like war
Im not sacrificing my sense of safety
To keep you flying high, moth(er)
Hour 2 10 Years ago
Ten years ago,
My head floated like a balloon
above everything
imagining the best.
Ten years ago,
my body worked better.
It has always felt weighed down.
But not like today
as it holds me prisoner.
Ten years ago,
Hope was still in every dream
Hope now is
erased in events and cynicism.
Ten years ago,
all was as it should be.
Ten years ago,
the world didn’t scare me.
It didn’t wake me up at night,
it didn’t cry for my help.
Today I see more darkness
than light.
More coldness than warmth.
More grief, more anger.
Ten years ago,
I was a shell of who I am today.
Hour 1
The night is young and so are we,
Grasping at blanket and sheets that used to bring comfort,
Now simply annoyances blocking my way
To you
This is How She Found Us – Hour 1
Only yesterday we were orphans.
Disconnected names on a tree of barren branches.
Only empty limbs within reach.
Arms too short, fingers too ignorant
to find their way up to the lap she once offered,
soft bread baked with love,
the warm blanket of home in her clear eyes.
Stumbling across her long-forgotten face,
my heart blooms in a shock of colors.
I see my mother, my sisters in the shape
of her round cheeks and dark curls.
Her unexpected wry smile reaches down from the past,
Suddenly strong hands grip our fingers
and she pulls us all close to her heart.
Orphans no more.
Today she drapes around us like a cloak. Ours.
2023: Hour Two
Hour Two, Unprompted – 2023
Shining smiles,
filled with glee;
Our joy is my strongest memory.
You have seen me,
in all stages;
Held me,
Through all phases –
A gift of many graces,
Nothing can replace this;
So then,
the truth calls us to face it.
Meant for me;
Meant to Be –
Forever safe within our reverie,
Fifteen pillars of Growth and Glee.
Falling
Falling
Fainted heart of mine
Attuned to a future without You – I
Let my soul drown in sorrow
Longing for this nightmare to end
I fall into the arms of self destruction
Not able to catch onto hope
Grieving what we had
INTO THE DEEP END
The gift of Amnesia
If only I had amnesia, so I could erase the feelings, the ones that remind me, of how uneasy I was to love, the ones that bring me back, to moments of neglect, all those times you said you’d be there, but you never came, let my memory lose those times, when we were not together, the times when love felt unreal, let me forget the hate and anger, take the sorrow and kill it, give me amnesia wrapped up with a bow, let it be a gift to not remember, all those times I couldn’t see, the entire time you were there for me.
Hours 2 – Surpassing the Odds, Passed by the Odd
Record heat bounces off canyon walls stiffling my breath as I climb Breathless athletes pass driven by unseen inspiration to overcome, do, prove Legs pushing against pedals trying, but failing to reach the pinnacle Tutu'd cyclists pass and wave as I shamefully walk up the hill Proof I am alive but failing to reach undefined goals Surpassing all expectations of maintaining breath and utility of body But soulfully lost reaching to the sky for strength and finding none After the race with feet planted on level ground hope springs eternal A new chapter to be written shedding of "must be's" to reach the newly defined vision Reaching for the sky in joyous communion lost no more